Page 39 of Walk of Shame
He pulls back and grips my arms, shaking his head. “Ashley, you are my problem. I’m coming with you.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to.” I bite my lip and look away. “I appreciate it. Really I do, but it’s not necessary.”
He drops his arms and takes a step back. “What exactly are you saying?”
I hug myself, already missing his warmth. “I’m saying you need to stay.”
“Is that what you want?”
I want to tell him the truth. I want to lay my feelings bare for him. But he’s not like Trevor this way. Trevor would take any excuse to run out on a bad situation, he’d back away as fast as he could from anything that even hinted at feelings. But Christopher isn’t like that. He’s caring. He’s responsible and ethical. If I tell him I want him to come with me, he’ll feel obligated. I don’t want that for him.
I look beyond his shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. Maybe this is the way things need to be. Maybe a couple of crazy days in paradise is all we get. It’s not like we have a future together.”
“And why don’t we have a future?” His voice is soft.
I shiver against it and shake my head a little. “I mean, come on, think about it. You’ve got a crazy schedule. You need to focus on your residency and then you’ll be starting your career. That’s what you need to focus on. I’m five years older than you are. You’re a doctor; you understand the reality of my situation. I don’t have a lot of time to waste anymore. It’s biology, and if I want to think about having kids, I need to think about these things.”
I steel myself. I mentioned the K word. A word bound to send any guy screaming in panic.
“That’s bullshit.” The words are hard hits to the chest and I jerk my attention to him. He points at me. “You’re terrified because you know this is real.”
“I—”
He cuts me off. “I’m going to ask you a simple question and you’re going to give me the truth, do you understand?”
Hope and fear flutter in my chest. “Okay.”
He grips my chin and holds my jaw so that I can’t look away. “Do you love me?”
The question shocks me. My pulse speeds up and I sputter. “T-that’s ridiculous. We hardly know each other.”
“Answer the question, Ashley. Do you love me?”
Panic speeds through my blood at two hundred miles per hour. “I did answer. We haven’t known each other a week. How could you even ask such an insane question?”
His eyes glint. “It’s a yes-or-no question. If the answer is no, tell me. But don’t fucking lie to me. Yes or no. Do you love me?”
The “no” trembles on my lips, fighting to get free, because I want so badly to do right by him. A war wages inside me, I don’t want him to feel obligated to me. I don’t want him to be tied to me when that’s not what he wants. But I want to tell him the truth.
For once, in my stupid, sorry life I want to tell someone how I really feel.
And just like that the fight seeps out of me. My shoulders slump. My jaw loosens. And I understand. It doesn’t matter. What he does or feels or how he responds isn’t the point.
I’mthe point. And I want to be truthful. I want to risk it all. Because I’m never going to be happy until I realize the only person I can control is me.
I deserve the chance.
Tears fill my eyes. “Yes. I love you.”
No qualifications. No caveats. No excuses. Just a simple, straightforward answer with no apologies.
His grip softens, and his fingers run down my jaw to curl around my neck. He leans down and kisses me softly before whispering against my lips, “I love you too.”
I clutch at his shoulders, my throat too tight to speak.
“I know it’s crazy and I don’t care.” He kisses me again. “All I want is to be with you. Everything else will just have to work itself out.”
I nod and choke out, “Okay.” The words tremble at my lips and I say them, not caring that they sound needy. I am needy. And that’s okay. “Do you promise?”