Page 104 of The Quit List
She giggles as she ducks inside with Rick hot on her heels. I give her a minute to change into her pajamas and do one last check around the campsite before she gives me the all-clear to come in.
It’s at that point that I attempt to enter the tent.
Attempt being the operative word.
There is, quite literally, not a shred of extra space in here. Meaning that Holly and I are, indeed, going to have to spoon.
Holly’s already turned on her side, facing the wall of the tent, while Rick is curled up at her feet. I quickly change into a clean set of base layers—I usually sleep in boxer briefs, but of course, tonight is not the night for that.
Soon as I’m ready, I lay down behind Holly and pull the unzipped sleeping bag over us like a blanket. I insisted that she use the camping pad seeing as we won’t both fit on it, and I make myself comfortable on the ground. Luckily, the campsite has thick grass and bush.
“You all right?” I ask her in a whisper.
“More than all right. Surprisingly comfortable, actually. What about you?”
I loop my arms behind my head, staring up at the ceiling of the tent. “Very all right. And very comfortable.” I pause for a beat. “I actually can’t believe this is our last night.”
She takes a moment to answer. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this adventure to end.”
“Me neither,” I say.
Maybe it doesn’t have to.
“It can be the first of many,” I add decisively. I have no idea what it means, I just know that it’s what I want. Badly.
Because now that I’ve had her out here with me, the thought of returning here alone, without her, feels… strange.
At that moment, she shivers. I instinctively turn, wrap my arm around her, and pull her body flush against mine.
Holly gives a little chuckle, and I feel it move through her body. “Wonder if Phil and John are this close right now.”
I snort, nuzzling my nose against her hair. “It’s cozy in there, I imagine.”
“Not as cozy as it is in here,” she murmurs sleepily.
I can’t help but let my lips brush the top of her head and she curls her hand around mine and pulls our entwined hands to her chest. I feel her heartbeat beneath my palm, thumping in a steady, soothing rhythm, like she’s already half asleep.
“Sweet dreams, Holly,” I say softly.
“How could I have anything but sweet dreams when I’m with you?” she whispers back, and I smile into the darkness as we fall asleep together, our bodies curled around each other, my hand splayed over her heart.
37
HOLLY
When I first went on this adventure, I had no idea what to expect. I was a total novice, a fish out of water, and coming here took a real leap of faith—both in myself, and in Jax as my guide.
The leap paid off. Three days in and I already feel stronger and more resilient in so many ways. I’ve laughed hysterically as we sparred back and forth, I’ve cried as I’ve remedied painful blisters, and I’ve woken up each morning filled with gratitude that I get to experience this. And I get to do it all with him. I’ve learned so much about my mountain man guide, and about who I am as a person when my everyday life is stripped away.
And it turns out, I’m a wild woman of the forest. Fully embracing every second of it.
I am cavewoman, hear me roar!
And just when I thought this trip couldn’t have any more highlights, I’m waking up this morning in Jax Grainger’s strong arms.
The way he held me last night, the way he cuddled me close and let me use all of his body heat when I shivered with cold, all while he pressed his hand to my heart and whispered into my hair, was nothing short of… well, perfect.
Because that kind of intimacy? It can only be real. Not practice, or coaching, or experience.