Page 116 of The Quit List

I cover his hand with mine. He seems to have something to say and I want to give him space to speak, like he’s done for me so many times before.

“My mom left when I was young, and it kinda broke my heart,” he says in a rush before taking a deep breath. Slowing down. “Back then, I didn’t really understand it, didn’t get why she left. Thought it might’ve been because of me. Kids always think it’s about them, right?”

He gives a dry chuckle and I pull his hand to my heart, overcome for the little boy he’s describing. The heartbreak he must have experienced, so young.

“When I got older, I found out that my dad had cheated on her. A lot. And my heart broke again—this time, for all the people he had hurt. For my mom, who he drove away, and for what I lost in the process. I think it gave me such a skewed view of relationships, so that I purposefully stayed away from them. I never wanted to catch feelings. Risk hurting anyone or being hurt.”

“I understand,” I tell him. Because I do, in a way. I think a part of why I held onto the idea of Dylan for so long was because I didn’t want to risk being hurt. Didn’t want to risk putting myself out there and catching feelings, so I stuck with the “safe” option. Didn’t step out of my comfort zone.

Jax, meanwhile, simply decided to guard his heart and remain alone. My own heart breaks for him, for all the grief and hurt he’s been through.

“I’ve been functioning on the premise of being okay with brokenness for so long, I got a bit jaded in the process. But then, I met you. You’ve changed everything.” He laughs softly and shakes his head. “I spent all this time helping you tackle your quit list, but it turns out, I can’t quit you, Holly. And what’s more, I don’t think I want to. I know I don’t want to. I want to be here for you, through everything.”

I can’t help but wonder when anyone last took care of him. He’s spent all this time taking care of me, helping me, advising me—but who’s been taking care of Jax? “I want to be here for you, too. If you’ll let me.”

He inhales sharply. “I will.”

“Will you stay with me tonight?”

His arms tighten around me, holding me closer in response. Everything I want and need, and somehow more.

42

JAX

The next morning, I wake up happy and at peace with Holly in my arms once again.

Funny how I used to always say no, but all she makes me want to do is say yes to her. Anything she wants, ever, I’m there.

She sighs contentedly as she rolls over and places a hand on my chest.

But then, that happy sigh turns into a whole lot of swearing.

“Jax!” She shakes my arm.

“Mmpf?” I respond sleepily. After spending the last couple of days working my butt off to get the cabin ready—plus the late drive last night and staying up with Holly—I’m feeling more than a little sleep-deprived.

This is what we get for kissing all night instead of sleeping.

She shakes harder. “Jax, wake up! It’s after 9!”

She pushes the comforter off of us and rolls out of bed about as elegantly as she rolled into my lap in that kayak all those weeks ago now. The memory still makes me smile.

“I need to shower. I can’t go to work with my hair like this.”

I lazily open one eye and survey her. “Morning, sunshine. And I say leave it—I like your hair like that, all messed up from my hands.”

She flushes red, then flicks my forehead. Hard. “Usually, that would be a very exciting thing to hear. The type of thing that would have me throwing myself back into bed next to you. But today is the grand opening of Grainger Guides, and if you don’t get that magnificent butt of yours up and out of bed, you’re going to be late.”

“Magnificent, huh?” My second eye pops open. “And, nah, they’re not coming till way later, so I was thinking I’d spend my morning buying you coffee and driving you to work. I also want to visit my sister before heading out.”

“Oh!” she says, looking pleased. “I’ll take all the time I can get with you.”

I reach over and give her a cheeky grin as I flick her forehead. “Good. Now, why don’t you go get your own magnificent butt into that shower, then?”

“Deal.” She plants a quick kiss on my mouth before hobbling off.

Meanwhile, I stretch out in her bed, wholly glad that I decided to come back here last night.