Page 49 of The Quit List
“I prefer ‘O Wise One.’”
“Nope.”
“Worth a try.” I stare out at the horizon for a few moments, taking in the way the afternoon light reflects off the buildings so that Atlanta seems aglow. It really is a beautiful city. And I’m happy I got to take Holly here, that I—and moreso, that she—could see how strong and capable she really is.
And then… it comes to me.
“I think we need to revisit that terrible hit list of yours.”
She tilts her head at me. “Add more things to it?”
“No, we’re going to throw it out altogether for now.” When I look at her, she’s frowning at me in full concern. “And replace it with your quit list.”
17
HOLLY
“My quit list?” I wrinkle my nose, taking this in.
I’m still sticky and out of breath from the uphill slog and fairly rattled that I almost cried earlier as I admitted how hopeless I felt. But I’m mostly blown away by how unbelievably kind and considerate Jax the Bartender is turning out to be. And—fine—wise as well.
He’s… so much more than just a bartender.
“I think we’ve been looking at this all wrong,” he continues, his slate eyes sparkling like the cityscape ahead of us. “Our perspective has been wrong. We’ve been focusing on your hit list when we should have been focusing on the things you wanted to quit doing. AKA your…”
“Quit list,” I fill in the blank.
“Right. Because the thing is, once you start focusing on your quit list—on yourself and all the things you want to do for you—an actual hit list will come naturally from there. One that’s more than the external factors you listed. One that will lead you to a man who’s truly ideal for you.”
He’s standing there, smiling at me like he’s discovered the answers to life’s secrets. And meanwhile, I’m staring back blankly, feeling more lost than ever.
He seems to sense this because he asks, “What were the three things you wanted to quit again? Those resolutions of yours?”
I frown. “I want to quit wasting my time on someone who would never love me back, quit letting my life pass me by, and quit being afraid to step out of my comfort zone.”
“Exactly.” He takes a breath. “Can I be honest for a moment, Holly?”
“Like you’ve done anything else.” I pull a face to show him I’m teasing, then cock my head. “Go on.”
“In the short time I’ve known you, you sat through an entire meal with Keith when you didn’t want to be there, you made excuses for that guy who stood you up, and you apologized for taking up my time after I already agreed to help you. Plus, you’ve helped me way more with my website and bookings system, anyway.” He tilts his head. “And just now, you let Sabrina insult you when you could have bid her goodbye and walked away.”
I wince a little, but not so much from Jax’s words as from the fact that he’s right. Again. I force out a laugh. “So you decided to take me up a mountain so you could list all my shortcomings while I’m tired and out of breath?”
He doesn’t answer my question. Instead, he says, “Look, you want to get over your feelings for Dylan, right? I think, in order to fully move on from him and find your perfect match, you need to focus on the other two things on your quit list. Go after what you want in other areas of your life, and put yourself in situations out of your comfort zone that aren’t to do with dating.”
What he’s saying is making some sense… maybe.
“I think you spend all your time focused on what other people want, instead of what YOU want. And you try to give other people a version of you that you think they’ll like, instead of just being yourself.”
“I’m not sure I want you to be honest anymore,” I say, my cheeks warming a little under his scrutiny.
He simply shrugs. “I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry for telling you that you’re underestimating yourself. That being you is the best thing you can be.”
I chew on my lip as I study the distant skyline, soaking in this new perspective.
“So what do you want, Holly? Forget everything and everyone else.” He pauses. “Deep down, what do you actually desire?”
It’s a question that hits me. Hard.