Page 80 of The Quit List

Soon enough, it’s 3AM and we’re sitting on the front doorstep of her bungalow—right on top of Aubrey’s “I’m Probably Not Wearing Pants” mat, Holly with my fleece jacket slung over her shoulders. She needed it way more than me. I tend to run hot. A couple of little red boxes sit in our laps as we eat chicken nuggets and give ourselves chocolate milk mustaches. When Holly leaned over me at the drive-thru and ordered a Kids Happy Meal, I wanted to laugh, but as she peeked back at me over her bare shoulder and asked me what I was getting, all I could say was, “Make that two.”

It was a good choice. The little Pokemon toys that came with the meals have fallen over on the step next to us, lying on top of each other like they’re tangled up in a serious make-out session.

And here we are, laughing and laughing as we talk about everything and nothing, until we lapse into a comfortable silence and look up at the stars.

I don’t remember the last time I felt this peaceful and content.

Probably my last solo backpacking trip.

I don’t usually feel this relaxed in the city, but maybe it’s because this neighborhood is quiet, dark, and still. It feels like we’ve got the whole city to ourselves. Or maybe it’s because Holly’s just rested her head on my shoulder, yawning into her hand as she does. It’s a gesture that feels familiar. Easy.

Like she’s done it a million times and will do it a million more.

“Bedtime?” I say as I smile down at her sleepy form.

“I don’t really want this night to end,” she confesses, sitting up. “But yes, I should probably go to sleep. Wanna make sure I’m well-rested for our wilderness excursion.”

I snort as I rise to my feet and hold out a hand to her. “That’s over a week away.”

I honestly can’t believe it’s coming up so soon. My last shift at Full Moon is the morning of the day we leave—a brunch shift—and then Holly and I will be on our way to the cabin. We’ll be starting the hiking route I’ve mapped out for us the following day.

“I’m excited for it,” she says and I can hear the sincerity in her voice. “I can’t wait to get away for a few days. Escape the city. Get some time off work and enjoy myself.”

My brow crinkles as this reminds me of Dylan again. I hate that she’ll be seeing him tomorrow— well, later today.

“Listen, Holly…” I start, though I’m not sure what I want to say. Maybe tell her that she’s doing the right thing moving on from that guy.

But she’s on her feet now, yawning and stretching and she clearly didn’t hear me. One of her hands is still in mine, and for some reason, I don’t let go.

“I enjoyed myself tonight,” she says. “A lot.”

“The hockey game or the bar?”

“This,” she replies softly. “With you.”

Instead of responding, I wrap my arms around her, drawing her into my chest so I can hug her. She buries her face in my shirt, and I feel her breath through the fabric, tickling my skin.

“I enjoyed this, too,” I say in a voice barely above a gruff whisper. I’m trying to appear calm and composed, though I’m sure she can feel my heart attempting to beat right out of my chest.

She moves her head back to look at me, her eyes dark and half-closed. “Hey, Jax?”

“Yeah?”

Her teeth sink into her bottom lip for a moment before she says, “I wish the music in the club hadn’t stopped when it did.”

Me too.

The thought is completely undeniable. Though it should probably be denied.

Perhaps against my better instincts, I lean down and place a soft kiss on her forehead. She shivers as my lips graze her skin and then stills, staying tightly wrapped in my arms.

Eventually—too soon—she opens her eyes and steps out of my embrace, disappearing into the house with a final smile my way. I leave her front doorstep with my hands in my pockets and a whole mess of thoughts and feelings that I have no idea what to do with.

27

JAX

Before last week, I can’t remember the last time I ate McDonald’s.