Page 60 of XX Love Affair

“You did?”

“Besides you… you’re the only one I’ve talked to about this whole thing with Mr. Smith. I prefer people to not know. They make weird judgments. Like you have.”

“I’m trying to not assume things about you.”

“Thanks, but I can hear it in your voice. You think everything I’ve done has been a mistake, but you won’t do anything, because you still like sleeping with me.”

“Do I intend to stop sleeping with you after hearing this? No, not really. I appreciate you telling me, though. It explains a lot about things I’ve noticed. You’ve got an incredibly assertive spirit. You know what you want and you pursue it.”

“Too bad that only comes out when I want to get laid.”

“That could be your hormones right now. I mellowed out a bit after college. I was able to better focus on work and stabilize myself as a person. By the time my father cheated on my mom with an eighteen-year-old, I took it pretty well. When I was your age, I would have made a huge fool of myself. My feelings didn’t change, but my reaction and control over the situation did. Namely, I realized I had no control. I had to let go.”

Helena chewed on that for a bit.

“Eventually, you’ll let go of what happened when you were a ki… I mean, a freshman. You’ll let go of how the adults who should have listened actually treated you. Because even if the outcome for your teacher was the same, they should have done better toward you.”

“Thanks for saying that, I guess.”

Delia shook her empty glass. “Want another one?”

“Maybe something normal. Like a soda. This one’s weird.”

“I’ll be right back.”

Helena knew Delia wouldn’t be back for a while. Getting another drink was a way for her to decompress over that trauma dumping that would now inevitably change their relationship. Idiot. She shouldn’t have talked about Mr. Smith. She should have kept all of that under her skirt, so to speak.

Nothing good came from her sharing what was on her mind.

She wiped away two errant tears that had appeared out of nowhere. Helena didn’t know what the hell she could be crying about. I’m stressed the fuck out. That would do it.

The urge to run away crept up on her. The longer she sat in that room, alone, the more the intrusive thoughts in her head warned her that this was when Delia washed her hands of Helena Pierce, realizing she was more drama than she was worth.

Helena had ruined the illusion. She had injected her real personhood into the situation, a most unforgivable sin when it came to these rich types. She was supposed to be young. Hot. Smart enough to take care of herself but not so smart she saw through the flirtations and weekend nights of fun. She was a warm body, a receptacle for other people’s parts, a tool to be used, and a robot to program to their specifications.

She was the latest in a long line of hookups. Certainly, Delia saw that.

“Here.”

Helena nearly leaped out of her skin. She was so lost in her toxic thoughts that she didn’t see or hear Delia come back into their private room. A glass of soda was soon on the table.

“Th… thanks.”

Delia sat next to her again. “If you could do anything right now,” she mused after a moment of silence, “what would it be?”

Helena waited until she had a long sip of soda to reply. “Anything?”

“Yeah.”

“Realistically or otherwise?”

“I don’t know. Answer truthfully. What will make you feel in control right now?”

Nobody had ever asked Helena that before. She blurted the first thought to come to mind.

“I wanna make out with you.”

It was a classic answer from her. She didn’t want to let Delia down, after all.