Page 96 of XX Love Affair

She said that while her hands roamed the length of Helena’s thighs and thumbs pressed into the crotch of her gym shorts. As Delia began taking off the shorts, Helena said, “Who am I, then?”

The shorts were on the floor. Delia lowered, her words as light as her breaths. “Mine.”

Helena had always been taught that there were no shortcuts, no passcodes to life. Yet when she heard that single word, she knew she had found the safe haven that she had been searching for in all the wrong places. Validation was not in the dark corners of an underground refuge or in the bed of a wealthy socialite. It was in those assertive words, those firm but tender touches, and the heady gaze in Delia’s eyes as she silently begged Helena to be hers. This wasn’t about territory, either. Irene thought she owned Helena, but that had never been what she signed up for. Helena needed to know that she could leave when it was wrong. That she could pursue some other direction in her life should she mature into the woman her parents wouldn’t know.

Right now? Everything with Delia felt right. Something Helena would have never guessed a few months ago when she was on the prowl for her next one-night stand.

Who knew it actually took so little to impress me? Money, trips around the world, and fancy food had been what she required when someone merely wanted to use her body, to parade her youth as if Helena were a fashion accessory. She was willing to live the sugar baby lifestyle for the right price, but deep down, she merely yearned for someone, anyone, of any age, to see her for the person she really was.

She was quick-witted. She was smart. She knew what she wanted, even if that thing changed from year to year. Or night to night. She wasn’t afraid to analyze her life experiences thus far and draw her own conclusions, and she expected her partner to respect that. Don’t project onto me. Helena didn’t need other people’s traumas, their follies, or their judgments. Not if they didn’t serve her where she was right now.

Oh, right now? She was blissfully caught beneath Delia’s weight, feeling the surge of that petite body overcome her and make her Delia’s.

Wasn’t it wonderful, to know what that felt like now?

When Helena worried that Delia’s hand would hurt too much to make love, she was told to concentrate on what she felt, not what her partner might concern herself with as they indulged in a reunion that neither of them saw coming. Helena didn’t want to admit it, but she was elated – she was someone who could take care of herself any day of the week, but having another woman take charge, tell her “Don’t worry about it, sweetie,” and not in a condescending way?

It wasn’t a matter of turning her on. It was the reassurance that she was safe.

Safe…

When was the last time Helena was safe with anyone? Let alone someone rich enough to be her sugar mama?

“Why are you crying?” Delia asked that with a soft smile, her left hand down Helena’s underwear and bringing her halfway to orgasm. “Don’t tell me I’m overwhelming you already.”

“No…” Helena wiped both of her eyes while grinning her way through the ephemeral desire making its way from Delia’s touch to Helena’s heart. “I was thinking that this is already the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Oh, you dirty liar!”

“No! It’s true! I’ve never done anything like this before!”

Delia quieted her with a kiss strong enough to lull Helena into the movements of their lovemaking. As Delia’s fingers slipped deeper into her girlfriend, Helena threw herself into that parallel world that existed for the sake of teasing the will to live out of her trembling body.

They were one.

They were transcendent.

Helena would do anything for Delia, and that was dangerous. She would be so easy to take advantage of after today, and she had to believe that Delia was genuine. Trust would be built, brick by brick, until sometime years later, when Helena Pierce looked back on her twenties and realized that, yes, Delia Benoist was the right hookup who never went away. There was never any reason to.

What was this? Happiness?

There were no thoughts of how they would balance the next few months. Nor did Helena concern herself with Irene, Josh, or even Coach Morgan, who might not be too happy about what had happened that day. Helena had been found out in New England, but that wouldn’t stop her from going where she pleased and taking over the world once again when she really turned twenty-one. It felt so far away. It felt like tomorrow.

It felt like yesterday, as if three decades had already surpassed her comprehension.

Helena didn’t only care about her pleasure. She wanted to be on top too, gingerly undressing the woman who had come for her, only her. To kiss that body, the softest skin she had adored for so long, was the pinnacle of the year. And to send forth her tongue, as hungry as it was hesitant, to the sweetest place between Delia’s thighs as she sighed into the back of her injured hand was exactly what Helena needed after a lifetime of wondering when she would finally be at peace with herself.

I never want to stop kissing her.

When the desperate reunion died down, Helena reached into her gym shorts pocket and withdrew the notebook she always carried around with her. After snatching a hotel pen off the nightstand, she let Delia watch as she opened to the last page of her bucket list and added something only for it to be immediately crossed off.

Fall in love with someone who gets me.

As they lay tangled in each other's arms, the weight of their love settled over them like the precursor of a lovely summer’s storm. For Helena, it meant reclaiming a part of herself that she had thought lost, a part that had only truly come alive in Delia's presence – and in her bed. It meant acknowledging that love was not only about sex and lingering desire, but about companionship. Trust. It meant allowing herself to be vulnerable, knowing that Delia would always be there to catch her when she misstepped.

Together, they forged an unbreakable bond, a bond that transcended their unfavorable pasts and uncertain futures. They whispered promises of forever into each other's ears, their words a sacred vow to cherish and protect what they had found in each other.

After a year of wandering, Helena was finally grounded. She was home.