Page 45 of Passing Notes

Dim light flickered through the spaces in the bleachers as the scent of cigarette smoke and fried food from the concession stand filled my nostrils.

As my eyes adjusted, I couldn’t help but think about how differently Clara and I had spent our high school years. I’d always had sympathy for what she’d gone through, but being under here somehow made me feel it on a visceral level. You’d have to really want to disappear if you were spending your days under here in this stuffy, graffiti-filled mess.

I made my way to the back corner to find her with her foot pressed against the wall as she listened to the band play “We Will Rock You” in the stands directly above her. She sneezed when stomping overhead sent a flurry of dust down to cover our heads.

“Hey there, heartbreaker. Bless you.”

Her eyes squinted, then narrowed. I could feel her sharp gaze boring into me as I approached.

I glanced around the space. There were groups of kids here and there, but they were too busy to notice me, especially right here in this dark corner.

“What are you doing down here?” Her brows drew together in suspicion. “Don’t you have a team to be coaching right now? Someone will have definitely seen you walking under here.”

“Looking for you. I saw you head under here. Everything okay?”

“Of course it is. I’m fine, I was just, uh, listening to the band play.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Shouldn’t you get going? The halftime show is almost over, isn’t it? Where are the kids?”

I pointed above me. “With Morgan.”

“Ahh, okay.”

“What’s wrong?”

She waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter, I’m being ridiculous. I think I will go home now. You should go back to your team, Nick. I’m sure they’re wondering where you went.”

“Are you.. . are you jealous of Morgan?” The notion was so ridiculous I burst out laughing.

“This isn’t funny.” She moved to leave but I stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm.

“Morgan is about to be remarried. It’s over with her, and has been for years. If I’m being honest, it was over before I even married her. I have no interest in being with her ever again. We spend time with the kids together sometimes and we’re cordial. It’s good for them to see that their parents don’t completely hate each other?—”

“That’s great, but that isn’t it. I?—”

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings by not seeing you up in the stands. I didn’t realize you were here.”

She dropped her gaze. “You don’t owe me anything, Nick.”

“I think I do.”

“Stop it.”

“We should talk.”

“There’s that word again.”

“Tell me you don’t want me as much as I want you, Clara. Make me believe you have nothing to say to me and I’ll go away and never bother you again.”

“Oh my god, you have to shut up, Nick, please.”

“I want to talk to you. I want to be with you?—”

Her gaze burned into mine. “You have no idea what you want. You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“I want another chance?—”

“Well, you can’t have it. This is too hard. I keep telling you I don’t want to talk about the past because it doesn’t matter what you say about it. We were young. Kids that age don’t have a clue about what they need.”

“Clara, we need to get some things cleared up?—”