Page 132 of Timelessly Ours
Nick doesn't appear to be home when we return from the hospital and I’m grateful for it.
Cora takes me to the sofa in the den. It’s darker here, which is fitting to my mood. The living room gets too much daylight. It’s like my bestie can feel exactly what I need right now.
“Can I make you more tea?”
I shake my head.
“Should I…leave you alone?”
I shake my head again and look up at her through my watery eyes. “I didn’t drink, Cora. There was zero alcohol in my blood.”
“I know…but…you are having a baby.”
I swallow. It appears that what I went through yesterday were common side effects of early pregnancy. Fatigue, nausea, headache, dizziness, food aversion. And fainting.
It all hit me at once. And not eating makes all the symptoms worse.
“I’m pregnant. There is a difference.”
She sits beside me and rubs my back.
I’m overjoyed and I want to believe that it’s because I have proof that I didn’t drink, that I chose not to when everything in me was screaming to just have one after seeing Kyle.
But the truth I’m going to avoid as long as I can, is that the idea of having his baby fills my heart in a way I never thought possible.
“You’re going to tell him, aren’t you?”
I shake my head. “Not today.”
“Okay, I’m going to be brutally honest, okay?”
I throw an arm up, giving her the floor. “I wouldn’t expect anything less for a therapist in training.”
“You’ve been nothing but two-word answers for the past five hours. I’m worried. That means you probably have way more in your head than you can think to make sense of. Or that you’re super confused.”
I glare at her. “That’s literally the same thing.”
“Right. Well. I’m here to help. Tell me how you feel about this baby, Nicole.”
I nod and consider it for her sake. “It makes me feel like I’m nothing but trouble. I upended his life when he found me drunk out of my mind and wanted to take care of me. I made him lie for me. I stressed him out with all my drama when he had enough to worry about. I embarrassed him in front of his ex-wife and now…drumroll please. I’m fucking pregnant.”
It's at this moment that my brother decides to walk into the room.
35
“I’m happy. You and Rory make me happy. I love you.”
“So happy that you lied?”
It was the worst response in the history of responses when someone confesses their love for you.
I hate that it’s what I picture every time I think of her. The steep pain in her eyes. The shattering in her heart.
The same one I feel every time I replay my words.
She’s been gone three days, and I haven’t slept more than a few hours each night. By now, it’s clear that she’s not missing my calls.
She’s ignoring them. And I refuse to show up at her brother's door insisting on seeing her. I won't put that kind of pressure on her.