Page 28 of Passion

“What are you thinking you will do about it?”

“Right now, I’m just trying to ride it out and hope he comes to his senses. I don’t want to traumatize the kids. Everything in me wants to just go snatch them and take them home with me. My name is listed on all paperwork concerning them. His name is only there because I put it there. However, my concern is my babies, especially Kizzie, because she understands so much now. She heard me call Gentry baby over the phone and acted like I’d committed some sort of crime.”

My mama chuckled slightly. She knew how over the top Kizzie could be at times. “I think what you’re doing is what’s best, but don’t let this go on for too long. That’s your babies, and he has no right to keep them from you when, technically, you’re the custodial parent. I’m pretty sure Kizzie would tell any judge that she lives with her mommy.” She paused for a moment then asked, “How is Gentry handling all this?”

I took a deep breath, thinking about how none of this had been fair to him. “He’s been so patient, but I know that his patience will wear thin before long. Honestly, I’m scared he’ll get tired of the situation and me. I still have the lease on my apartment in case I have to go back. I can see the frustration on his face when I can’t spend time with him because I’m going to Clayton’s house to spend time with my babies. This is not what he expected. It’s not what I expected either.”

Tears fell freely from my eyes as I vocalized what could be my reality soon. What Gentry did for me Wednesday was sweet, but he didn’t deserve this shit. He just wanted a woman he could love and spend the rest of his life with. I was barely present, even when we were fucking. My mind was everywhere but where it should have been. As long as I didn’t have my kids, I couldn’t focus on much else.

Cleaning people’s teeth at work was a struggle. Yunique wanted to send me home yesterday because I didn’t do the greatest job on cleaning someone’s teeth. What Clayton was doing was affecting every aspect of my life. Why couldn’t he see that? While I didn’t want to traumatize my children, I didn’t want to lose my job or marriage to Gentry either.

My mama started rubbing my shoulders. I was so caught up in my emotions, I never even saw her leave her seat. “Have you been praying, baby?”

“Like crazy.”

She continued kneading my shoulders as I tried to calm down. God would eventually work it out. I just wished I knew why He was taking this long. My phone vibrated in my pocket, so I pulled it out to see a text from Gentry. My heart rate quickened as I opened it. I’m actually taking a lunch break today. I think I will do that every Friday, since you get off early. You wanna meet me at Sage?

He was doing everything he knew to create time for us. The sacrifices he was making made me feel so fucking guilty. I responded, Absolutely. See you in a few minutes. I love you.

I love you more, baby.

I broke. My cries were audible, causing my mama to come in front of me and pull me from my seat and into her arms. “Shh. It’s going to be okay. Things will work out, baby girl.”

I nodded as I pulled away from her. Gentry was the man I loved. In a short amount of time, he had stolen my heart with such finesse. Nothing felt forced or rushed. We were perfect for one another. Unfortunately, I knew I would see his petty, angry side before long if things didn’t change soon.

“I’m going to meet Gentry for lunch at Sage, Mama. Thank you for always listening. I love you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m your mother. That’s what I’m here for. I would do the same for Daniel, Jorie, Joel, and Keondra. I love you so much, baby. Go have lunch with your man. It’s beautiful just how much he loves you already. The sacrifices he’s making have me feeling all mushy inside, so I can imagine how you’re feeling.”

I smiled at her then grabbed my purse from the chair. “Yeah. He’s almost too good to be true. Thanks again, Mama.”

I kissed her cheek as she smiled and made my way to my car to go meet my baby.

I stared at the beautiful but troubled woman sitting across from me. We’d gotten to Sage and had been seated about ten minutes ago. It didn’t matter if I carved time out of my schedule to spend with her if we only sat here in silence. I knew she had a lot on her mind, but I needed my wife. I was doing everything I knew to do to comfort her.

I held her every night, gave her massages, cooked sometimes to take the weight off her, and made love to her. Normally, I ate lunch at the clinic. I never took a whole lunch break because work was my life. I made myself as available as possible for my clients. Things were changing, as they should. My wife needed to come first. Work would be there. I needed to be sure she would be here too.

Unfortunately, I realized that wouldn’t be my call. She would have to make the decision to be here. I needed more than physical interaction. If I didn’t, there wouldn’t have been a point in getting married. I was doing my best to understand Giselle’s dilemma, but my patience was really starting to wear thin. I wanted to go to that nigga’s house and snatch those kids my-damn-self.

“Thank you for making time for us, Gentry. That means so much to me. I know I haven’t been everything you desired, and I’m so sorry. While my mind is telling me to just go take my kids, I don’t want that to affect the kids negatively. I love my kids so much, but this entire situation is making me regret the way I did it. I should have done the Arranged Hearts thing before trying to have children. I just thought it wouldn’t give me what I needed. Children, no matter how they were conceived, would be reared in love.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s been two weeks since we’ve been back. How much time are you going to give him to get his shit together?”

She had to know this question would be coming. I needed a timeline to assure me this wouldn’t be dragged out. If I wanted to be alone all the time, she wouldn’t be in my house. The only reason I was still putting up with this shit was because I was falling for her. Despite this foolishness with Clayton, Giselle was perfect for me. She was the woman I desired… needed.

She shrugged her shoulders slightly. “I don’t know. Maybe another two weeks before I start threatening to take him to court. My babies need me, but my husband needs me too. I’ve been neglecting you because of this. I’m trying to spread myself to cover all the bases, but I’m falling short.”

“Honestly, Elle, I know you have a lot on your plate. I don’t give a fuck about you cooking and cleaning. I just wanna spend time with you that isn’t strained. We were silent for damn near ten minutes. I’m feeling disconnected from you, and I don’t like that feeling, baby. You are the woman I need. I’m falling in love with you, but I feel like I don’t have you. That’s a horrible feeling.”

“I know. God, I know.”

A tear fell down her cheek, and she quickly swiped it. Reaching across the table, I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. “I know you’re trying, baby. I just… I miss the Giselle I had in Hawaii. I know vacation is a little freer, and when we get back to reality, we have responsibilities, but I miss the affection, the passion, and softness. I don’t feel that softness and passion anymore. Without that, the affection feels forced.”

She nodded her head as she continued swiping tears. The waitress appeared with the drinks we ordered and took our meal orders. Once the waitress walked away, Giselle looked up at me and asked, “Do you regret being paired with me?”