Page 85 of Regal Queen

Instead, he fell to his knees at the side of the grave, clutching the blades of flowers between his fingers. He stared at it silently, but tears began to flow down his cheeks.

After what felt like a lifetime of silence, he finally choked out. "You brought Lily here."

I nodded, pressing my face into Rose's hair, holding back my own emotions. "I had to. Dad wanted me to burn her body but, I... I couldn't do it." The air in my lungs was suffocating, my anxiety burning through me.

He finally looked up at me, and the sight of his soulful gaze had me heaving.

“Thank you, bourbon. You have no idea how much I needed this."

I nodded. "I think I do. I'm sorry I didn't share it with you earlier."

He shook his head. “No, of course not. I understand."

He turned his head back towards the grave, and Rose pressed her face into my chest, wrapping her arms around me. "You're amazing, Bourbon."

“But," I continued, needing to get it all out, or it was going to kill me, “that's not all.”

Rose looked up at me, her beautiful jade eyes shining and happy. She looked so awed, so amazed, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For me to wake up from this dream, knowing that it had all been a lie.

And yet, every time I pinched myself, she was still by my side.

I took in a deep breath, my eyes moving to my brother. "I always tried to protect you and Lily, Coulter, but I failed so many times, and I... I can't tell you how much I hate myself for it--"

Suddenly Coulter was on his feet, giving me a fierce gaze. "You were enough Bourbon. You were everything for me. You took care of me when my own mother never did. So stop with the guilt, because it isn't going to hold you up anymore." He stepped towards me, gripping the front of my shirt tight. "Stop it. We're here now, and we will all protect each other. You were enough then, and you are enough now."

He looked like a warrior, standing like that, so strong and fierce.

I shook my head, giving in to the blazing agony inside me. “You don't understand, Coulter. I knew the truth, and I did nothing."

His eyes narrowed at me, "The truth? The truth about what?"

"About dad."

"What about dad?"

"That--" I choked, unable to say the words, but I forced them out anyways, "that dad was raping Lily. Ever since she turned fourteen, he was raping her, and I didnt--"

"Shut up!" Coulter screamed, shaking me. "He wasn't!"

"He was. God, I wish it wasn't true, but it is."

"No!" Coulter tripped backwards, taking me with him, but Rose was immediately our strength, holding us up. Coulter lost his grip on me and stumbled a few steps, his gaze on me unbelieving.

"Bourbon, look at me." Rose tugged in my cheeks, forcing me to face her. "It's not your fault. Dads always have power over us by the mere fact that they are our fathers. I can't tell you how many things I did for James, just because he had that hold over me." I stared at her eyes like a lifeline in my drowning thoughts. Clinging to her words. "And Nero is a thousand times worse than James. He abused both of you. He was violent and unpredictable. It's his fault, not yours. You are as much a victim in this as Lily. And I'm so sick of the victim feeling guilty for things that they didn't do. I't s not your fault, Bourbon, do you understand me? All the blame belongs on Nero's shoulder's, not yours."

She leaned upwards, kissing me and I clasped her to me, my fingers threading through her hair as I kissed her back, needing her touch, her kiss, her love right now to soothe the raging beast inside me.

Rose was my grounding, my lighting in the storm when I needed her strength, and my grounding rod when the raging was going on inside me.

I needed this woman like the air that I breathed.

Like the ground beneath my feet.

Like the water to my parched throat.

She was the soothing balm to my soul.

God, I needed her.