Page 84 of Sizzle

“I’ll walk you out,” I tell her, following her back through the kitchen doors.

“Something wrong?” she asks, pulling on her coat and scarf.

“Just couldn’t sleep,” I tell her, not meeting her eyes. “Thought I’d get a jump on tomorrow’s inventory.”

The lie turns my stomach. There wouldn’t be any more inventory or orders. But the staff didn’t know that yet.

“Need some company?” Anna asks. She looks uncomfortable asking, but I chalk it up to the late hour. Nobody wants to get roped into overtime at 2am.

“Nah, but thanks,” I tell her. “Do you need to warm up your car?”

Anna waves her keys at me.

“Remote start,” she says.

“Nice.”

I prop the door open and walk with her, waiting at the curb as I watch her buckle up and pull away with a wave. Anna’s a good kid. Pretty in a homespun way, though she never caught my eye the way Joelle did. I knew from the get-go Anna was going places. Duckbill was only a pit stop for her.

Of course, turns out the restaurant was only a pit stop for any of us. Even me.

The thought has me heading for the bar.

For once, I don’t spend any time worrying about how to cover the cost of the bottle in the next liquor order. I just snag the best whiskey in the house, grab a tumbler, and post up at the bar, staring up at the black flat screen TVs mounted on the wall ahead of me.

Nothing to new see here, folks. Just another jackass who’s lost everything he ever loved.

The first shot burns going down and as a warm glow blooms in my stomach, I stop worrying so much about how cold it is in here without the kitchen fires going.

‘Cause that’s the crux of it all, isn’t it? I fell in love with this place. I fell in love with Joelle. And somehow, I managed to develop feelings for Alex that have nothing and everything to do with the years of friendship between us.

My hand trembles as I pour another shot.

It’s more than that now, though, isn’t it? Here, alone in the dark, I’ve quite literally got nothing else to lose, so I can look at that part inside myself and call it for what it is.

I love him, too. I don’t know when it changed. He’s my best friend. I’ve loved him for years. But somewhere along the line, something shifted and now I love him.

I’m in love with him. With them both.

I scrub my hands over my face before pouring the next shot. This one goes down a little easier, and that glow keeps spreading, all the way down to my toes.

I’ve already lost them both.

My hand is moving for the bottle again when I hear somebody pounding on the front door.

“This is serious horseshit,” I mutter, heading for the door, keys in one hand, cell phone in the other. It wouldn’t be the first time we got a crazy drunk looking to get in after hours.

The irony of my intentions to get falling-down-drunk is not lost on me but I’m not in the mood to be amused, so I punch in 911 on my mobile, holding my thumb over the ‘send’ button.

A moment later, I close dialer to hold open the door for my brother, same as Anna had done for me just a few minutes ago.

“Jesus Christ, El,” says Steve, waving a hand in front of his nose. “Is there any booze left in this place?”

“Fuck off, bro.” I pull the door shut and secure the lock. “What the hell are you doing here? Is Cheryl okay? The kids?”

He waves the same hand dismissively.

“They’re fine, we’re all fine,” he says. “Only, Alex is worried about you and he made me promise I’d track you down if you didn’t turn up on my doorstep tonight. You’re lucky tomorrow’s my day off, pal, or there’d be hell to pay.”