Page 79 of Left on Read

“Because he did all the work. I just kind of sat there and did what he said. I looked ridiculous. Acted ridiculous. And he saw me naked!” I blurted, the truth slipping out before I could stop it.

“And you’ve been telling yourself there’s no possible way he liked what he saw, even though he, I presume, finished?”

“Yeah. And yeah. But that doesn’t mean anything. He was just being nice.”

“For someone who loves words, you really need to look up the definition of nice. No one has video sex just to be nice. No one jerks off with another person over a video call just to be nice.”

I looked away.

“Did he initiate it?”

I gave a clipped nod.

“Was he weird after?”

“No,” I whispered, still not looking at him.

“Does this have anything to do with Greg?”

My neck and cheeks went hot at the name. “No.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“Maybe,” I muttered.

“Not every guy is Greg,” he said gently.

“I know, but it’s really hard to remember that when I’m reliving it over again.”

“Are you, though?”

“Yeah.” I finally met his gaze. “It’s exactly the same.”

“No, it’s not. You know it isn’t.”

I looked away. “It will be.”

“Hayden—”

“I like him.” I dropped my head in my hands. “I know I said I could keep things separate, but I can’t.”

“So, you’re pulling away preemptively so you don’t get hurt.”

“Now you get it.”

“No, I really don’t. River isn’t Greg. Has he said anything that Greg did? Done anything he did?”

I shook my head.

“But you’re convinced he will, even though he’s given you no indication he’d ever be that guy.”

“It’s not just that. We started this as a casual thing. I’m the one who’s fucking it all up because I have feelings for him. I just need to put some emotional distance between us and figure out how to be his friend and only his friend before things get even more complicated.”

“Can you do that?” Ryan crossed his ankle over his knee. “I know how you work, how you’re wired. You’re not that guy.”

“No, I’m not.” I let my head flop back against the couch cushion. “You’re the one who told me to get a friend with benefits,” I grumbled.

“I told you to find a guy who’d be a good lay. I didn’t say anything about adding friendship and feelings into the mix.”