Page 81 of Poison and Wine
“Talk to me, Callum,” she whispered into the heavy silence around us. When I peered up at her, she brought her hand to my cheek. “Tell me what it is you can’t bring yourself to say.”
At that moment, there was no one in the world, not my brothers or even my mam, who I would’ve bore my soul to but Caterina. “I can’t get the sound of their cries out of my head,” I croaked.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how horrible that was for them…and for you.”
“My business took a husband away from his wife and a father away from his son.”
Caterina paused in rubbing my face. “Sean knew the risks of the job. You didn’t force him to do anything.”
“His blood is still on my hands,” I argued.
She shook her head. “You didn’t pull the trigger.”
“Every order I give is pulling a trigger in one way or the other.”
“I wish I could give you an absolution. Anything to take the pain away.”
“Aye, I wish you could, too.”
To my surprise, Caterina pulled away from me and rose to her feet. She held her hand out. “Come.”
Instead of protesting, I eased out of the chair and placed my hand in hers. Defeated, I let her guide me down the long hallway to our bedroom. Once we were inside, Caterina pulled me over to her nightstand. At the sight of the flickering candles, I eyed her warily.
Caterina took a long match and handed it to me. After making the sign of the cross, she sank to her knees. When I remained frozen, staring at the candles, she glanced up at me. “Light a candle for Sean and say a prayer.”
“I don’t know if I believe in all that anymore.”
“Then just sit with me while I do it.”
As my mind battled against it, my heart won out, and I sank down beside her. Caterina closed her eyes and began murmuring the Prayer for the Dead. The same one Kellan insisted on reciting each and every time we took someone out.
While she spoke, I leaned forward and lit another candle. Images of Sean filled my mind as I made the sign of the cross and then bowed my head. When she finished, I said, “Ar dheis De’ go raibh a anam.”
“What does that mean?” Caterina questioned softly.
I cleared my throat. “May his soul be on God’s right hand.”
“That’s beautiful.”
“If anyone deserves heaven, it’s Sean,” I replied as I rose to my feet.
After rising up, Caterina asked, “Is there anything else I can do?”
The deviant part of me wanted to tell her to strip off her clothes, so I could fuck the grief out of my system. But I could never do that. Even though my beautiful virgin’s earnest expression told me she was willing to do anything to take the pain away. Maybe even let me take her.
“Let me hold you.”
Her eyes flared at my response. “Okay,” she replied in a whisper.
Before I could start removing my shirt, her fingers came to my cuff. When I furrowed my brows at her, she replied, “Just let me take care of you.”
She then unbuttoned the silver cufflink before moving on to remove the other hand. In silence, I watched as she slid the cufflinks into the pocket of her silky robe. After bringing her hands to my neck, she slowly began unbuttoning my shirt. With each button she undid, I found my chest rising and falling faster and faster. My heart threatened to beat out of my chest at just her simple touch.
But it was so much more than that. It was the tremble of her fingers. The pink colour of her cheeks. Her rapid pulse beating in her neck. The way she nibbled nervously on her full bottom lip. The way her breasts strained against her nightgown.
Once she reached my waist, she pulled my shirt out of my pants. Leaning up on her tiptoes, she eased it off of my arms and let it drop to the floor. Her gaze dipped slowly down my chest. At her sharp intake of breath, I willed my cock not to rear its head. This wasn’t supposed to be about fucking. It was supposed to be about letting my wife care for my emotional needs.
When her trembling fingers rested on my belt buckle, I took her hands in mine. “I can take it from here, Kitten.” Jerking my chin at the bed, I said, “Go ahead and lie down.”