Page 10 of Jamison's Story
“Yeah,” she says, a little frown appearing between her brows, and I soothe it, not wanting her upset to the depths she was earlier. “I have the emails back and forth with the security office, copies of the reports they did fill out when I called, or when a couple of the other girls on the floor called because somehow Craig got into our dorm, and he was pounding on my door. They just kept reiterating that they couldn’t do anything about it, that he hadn’t done anything to allow the school itself to trespass him or file a restraining order against him. That they couldn’t keep him off the campus unless I had a personal one. I took all of that to the police the second time, but they just shoved me out the door.”
That pisses me off even more and I’ll make damn sure whoever those cops are, don’t get away with letting some jackass terrorize a girl, let alone my girl.
“I have pages of text messages from him, from a dozen different numbers and emails that he set up just to harass me. Some of them included photos he’d taken of me to prove he could find me no matter where I went, on campus and off. It got so bad I started seeing the therapist at school. She gave me a prescription for anxiety meds, but they made me so sleepy I was scared to take them, afraid he’d show up and I wouldn’t be able to protect myself,” she adds, and I feel wetness against my shirt. I want to stop her tears, but I need to know everything, and don’t want her to stop talking if I interrupt her now to brush them away.
“Before I went to my sister’s for winter break, I’d almost been ready to sleep with him,” she says, and I hate the thought of another man kissing her let alone touching the sweet skin I saw when I first arrived. Think of her bare legs wrapped around another man’s waist. Especially some ass that thought he could treat her the way Craig has. “I’d gone on the pill in case I came back and didn’t feel the last hesitation any longer. I was so glad I had it, so glad that something deep down told me to wait, to really think about what I was doing because the thought of being with him now…revolts me.”
“I shouldn’t say it, but I’m really glad too, baby,” I admit, pressing a kiss to the top of her head when she lets out a deep sigh.
“I stayed on it thinking the things he’d texted me, said to me while I was out of town were just taken the wrong way, but even after I got back to Oak Grove, they continued. Then started getting more and more unhinged, until I felt I couldn’t breathe. So I broke up with him, hoping it’d help.”
“But it didn’t, only made him try to hold on tighter,” I guess, and she nods.
“I was so angry and then it turned into absolute terror when he just kept showing up everywhere. I was petrified to go anywhere alone, did my best to stay where others would be, because I was worried what he’d do to me if he got me alone. I told the therapist about it, and she prescribed the medication but also asked me what I could do to protect myself. At first I didn’t think there was anything and it scared me more. It was only when she let me know I was already doing it that kept me from really losing it. She validated me explaining that by not taking paths through campus that weren’t populated, by not going out alone especially at night, by staying in crowded areas while in town, that was all keeping me safe because he couldn’t easily do something while I was there,” she says, and I’m thankful she had someone to talk to about it, wasn’t dealing with it entirely on her own until now.
“You told her the police wouldn’t help?” I ask and she nods again. “She didn’t try to help you with them?”
“She did but got brushed off as well. They claimed that I was the one harassing Craig, and he was just being polite by not getting a restraining order against me. She didn’t believe them because of the incident reports the security office did file that showed he was there on campus every night for two weeks straight. After her call with them, I got a message from Craig telling me that no one would ever believe a word I uttered, that I’d simply look like the crazy one. That he could do whatever he wanted to me, and everyone would think I asked for it. That terrified me, made me scared that if he somehow got his hands on me, assaulted me, that he’d manage to make the cops think I was responsible for it.”
“Oh angel, no, they wouldn’t have,” I say gently, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“My therapist tried to tell me that when I mentioned it to her, it was all just so jumbled in my head though that it felt real in that moment. Then I worried that he’d do it. He would show up, rape me, and I’d end up blamed for it or be completely ignored. Then I started hyperventilating at the idea of it happening and ending up pregnant, tied to him in any possible way,” Natalie says, her shoulders shaking, breath stopping in her chest, and I lowered my face, pressing my cheek to hers, holding her tighter.
“Shh, it’s okay, baby girl. I’ve got you, you’re safe here. Safe to tell me everything, no matter how bad, how scary,” I promise. “Daddy’s got you now.”
Tears hit my cheek, but I don’t move, holding onto her head, my other arm wrapped around her, keeping her close, showing her that she’s safe with me. Her emotions are safe with me.
“How can something sound so right?” she whispers to me, her hand wrapping around my arm holding her head, clinging to it. “I just met you, but I want you in so many ways, want you to love me like a…”
“A daddy does his baby girl,” I offer when she stops, lifting my face to see the slight flush in her cheeks beneath the tear tracks. “Because we’re meant for each other, Natalie. I’m meant to love you for the woman you are now, but also give you the love you lost a long time ago. It’s okay to want me to love every bit of you, for me to fill up all of those lost spaces, so when we have a family, there’s not a single part of you that’s afraid to love them. That’s always worried that you’ll lose them, because you’ll be so loved that’s all you’ll feel. Know that daddy loves his whole family more than anything, including his baby girl.”
“It sounds so good, Jamison. Being with you, loved by you, loving you,” she adds, and my heart feels a full tug at the look in her eyes. “Having a family with you…I really want that. Want you to love me. You to be daddy for all of us.”
“But?” I say knowing there’s more because there’s still that worry behind her gaze.
“I don’t think I can let myself really believe in it until I know he can’t hurt me—us,” she says, and I nod in understanding still holding her head, unable to let her go.
“Which is why I’ll believe in it for you until then. Won’t let you run and hide from what’s between us, but also won’t try to rush you on it, angel. I’ll wait for all of it until you’re ready, which includes having that family, putting babies into you,” I add, putting a hint of a smile on her lips. “If you’re not close to being ready we’ll wait. I might hate having to have something between us, but I’ll do it because it’ll be what you need, and putting your needs before mine is the most important thing here, Nat.”
“I…I never went off the pill,” she states, a flush in her cheeks still but the little smile fades. “I was going to, figured there wasn’t a point in taking it since we’d broken up. Then my therapist reminded me there were precautions I could take to keep things from happening, and she didn’t mean just the possibility of an attack. That in a just world, I shouldn’t have to be guarding myself, actively protecting myself from dangers. That I should be able to just live my life without fears, but because there was an actual possible threat of violence and danger, I needed to be prepared, know what to do, and it should include the worst possible scenarios. Which included him getting me alone and what might happen then. Whether that was him trying to kill me or rape me, and as horrifying as it was to hear, I needed to hear it that plainly because it was what kept me on the pill, had me keeping pepper spray and a mini-taser on my keyring at all times. I wanted to tell Nick a million times the past few months but…”
“You were scared he’d go after Craig and end up in jail or worse?” I guess and she nods, her chin trembling breaking my heart, but also understanding that she couldn’t risk losing one of the two only remaining family members she had left.
“Yeah, I kept hoping that he’d just give up, that when he saw that his attempts to get me back was just pushing me further away from him, he’d stop. It was a pipe dream because I don’t think anything is going to stop him, and if he sees me with anyone else…you,” she says, sucking in a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t know who he might be madder at.”
“But you can’t live like this, baby, you know that, right? You can’t hide or run away, can’t hide our relationship forever. That’s why I’m going to get in touch with Doug. Send him everything you have, so he can start working on it now, before we get back to town. The sooner he gets started, the sooner we’ll have something back to know how to proceed next,” I add, getting a nod from her before having her send me all of the information.
I wrap her up in my arms when she’s done, walking me through the items so I can easily explain them, keeping her from having to go through it again, especially right now. Her head falls onto my chest, and I press a kiss to her forehead as she slips off into sleep.
I wait until she’s deeper under before calling Doug. It might be nearly nine o’clock, but I know he’ll answer.
“Jamison, what has you calling me so late? I think the only time you’ve ever called me was actually Jasmine using your phone when hers stopped working,” he says, and I can’t say he’s wrong. I’ve never had an issue that I needed his help on until now.
“I need your help on something pretty serious. It’s about a girl,” I add, pulling a low chuckle from him, but I know what I have to say will kill that amusement instantly. “She’s in trouble. Her ex is at postal stalker level. So much so that she’s about to break. She’s already having panic attacks.”
“Damn, I’m sorry,” he says his tone pulling back, growing far more serious. “What are the cops doing?”
“Nothing,” I answer, the anger flooding my speech, forcing me to take a breather. “I forwarded the information she has to prove the stalking to you, although the cops won’t do shit to help. His father is Lieutenant Commander at police headquarters.”