Page 29 of Never Say Never

"When did you figure out you were gay?"

I glanced over at him. "Not until about four years ago. Dawn put her hands on my face, looked me in the eye, and said, ‘Honey, I think you're gay—go experiment!’ I didn't know what to do about that at first or how I felt about it. I'd pretty much figured out that women were not for me, but I was trying hard to still be a good husband and father. It wasn't her fault I didn't know who I was before we got married. But she insisted. Even set me up on a date."

Paul whistled. "What a woman."

I laughed. "Yeah, she was. Actually, she would have loved you."

He blinked at me. “Really? Why?"

"You're a lot like her, in your own way. Bold, unpredictable, honest. You say whatever comes to mind, while I analyze each word before I speak. You certainly have traits that I do not possess."

Paul sat on a park bench and when he turned to me, his grin was back. I let out a sigh of relief. We sat in silence for a while, sipping our coffees and enjoying the brisk air. Fall was rapidly becoming winter and I already missed the warmth and comfort of sitting in the sun, by myself, taking a moment to breathe.

"Sorry I was a jerk," Paul said. "I didn't mean to be so standoffish today."

"It's okay," I said. "Besides, that bust during the raid the other day put me in the worst mood. All that work and what did it get me?" I laughed dryly as I leaned back and stared at the evening sky. Oranges and reds splashed against the clouds. After a long day of work, I needed a moment like this. "Sometimes this job is so fucking stressful, I hate it. So much preparation, time lost, lonely nights and we might save one soul. It feels like a mockery at times."

A hand squeezed my thigh, and I looked at Paul. "Don't feel like that. I've watched you bring in serial killers, rapists, mobsters, and bikers. You’ve saved more than a few. What you do is important."

"Is it?"

Paul nodded. "Of course. Don't worry. Things will change. Besides, you have an informant in this case. I'm sure she'll come through for you."

"She always does," I said, sighing as I relaxed more. "Thanks, Paul. Talking to you makes me feel more sane. Sometimes."

"Other times?"

"You make me feel like I'm nuts."

"Awww, you love me, boss. Don't be like that."

"Don't call me boss in public," I growled.

"Ooh, what was that voice? Fuck. You can growl like that? Do it in the bedroom, right in my ear."

There was the Paul I knew and wanted to strangle. Despite feigning annoyance, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as he started to pester me. Every word was a taunt and a flirt. There was seriously something wrong with the man.

We resumed walking again, chatting about life, our job, everything. When had he made my walls lower? They were still there, but it was like he was capable of peeking over them. I kept stopping to stare at Paul. Was this a date? No, it couldn't be, but I felt like if I had ever gone on one I enjoyed, this is what I would have felt. Light, airy, relaxed. I laughed more with Paul than I did with anyone else I had ever met. But this wasn't a date. We both knew and understood that. Exploring any of the mixed-up feelings in my chest would only result in confusion and disaster.

It's better to keep this casual.

As we strolled, I stopped and looked around. Out of nowhere, the hairs on my arms had started standing on end. For the second time that I'd been with Paul, it felt as if someone was watching us.

"You feel that too?" he asked.

"Yeah." I reached into my jacket and laid a hand on my pistol. "Why is it that everytime I'm with you, someone's staring a hole through my skin?"

"I have no idea, but I don't love the feeling either."

The sound of running feet made me turn around swiftly. I tracked movement through the trees and took off for them, Paul on my heels. As I rounded a corner, I nearly fell on my face as I ran into two brown-skinned, brown-eyed, babygirls.

My daughters.

"Hey, Dad." Navy grinned.

"Hi," Nyra added, a bit shyer about it than her sister.

I took my hand off of my pistol. "Girls, what are you doing here?"