Page 50 of Wrapped in Hope
Chapter 19
“Jane,I love that you’re getting the help you need, but these last five years can’t be undone. There is a gap between us that I don’t think I can bridge. As much as I’d love to tell you that I want to work on us, I know that I can’t give you myself completely, and that wouldn’t be fair to you. I think the best thing for both of us is to accept the past and move on separately. I love you and always will, but if all this time spent alone has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not in love with you any longer.”
She nods her head as she takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry that this is what we have become. I’m sorry for ruining this and wasting the past five years of your life.” Her eyes tear.
I lean forward and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her. “I’m not. I don’t regret being there for you. It wasn’t a waste, look how well you’re doing now.”
She pulls away, wiping her tear away. “I wish I could’ve accepted this sooner. You’ve been asking me for a divorce for a while now. I think it’s time I honor your wishes.”
I feel my heart pound harder. “I’ll always be here for you, Jane. I want you to know that. Just because we’re finally accepting this and moving on with our lives doesn’t change that.”
She rubs her hand up and down my arm. “I know and I appreciate it, Holden. Not many men would have held on as long as you did. I owe you so much.”
I take her hand in mine. “You don’t owe me anything. Just get better, that’s all I ask.”
* * *
Jane has spentthe last month in a mental facility so she could get the help she needs, but today is the day she’s being released. I drive over to pick her up in her car, hoping to surround her with things she loves for added comfort.
Over the past month, we filed for divorce and put the house up for sale. She plans on moving to Texas to be with her family, but I’m staying here. I couldn’t stand to live in my family’s home with them gone. I can’t be surrounded by the memories of the past. It’s time to make new ones.
I’ve found a small apartment that is good enough for me. Truth be told, I’m not ready to move on. My shop is here and doing well. Not to mention, I still haven’t settled things with Hope. Each and every day, I pick up the phone to call her or find myself heading toward the city to see her. But I always hang up the phone or turn around, not allowing myself to wreck her life again.
When I get Jane home, she walks in the front door and looks around the place like she’s seeing it for the first time in a long time. I set her bags down on the table. “Are you doing okay?”
She smiles and nods with tears in her eyes. “I’m fine. It’s just now that I know I’m leaving, this is all a little bittersweet.”
“Take your time adjusting. I’m going to start some dinner. Anything you’re in the mood for?”
She seems to think it over for a few seconds. “I’d love to have some of your meatloaf. It’s been years.”
I offer a kind smile and nod. “Meatloaf it is.” I leave her standing alone in the living room while I head to the kitchen to start dinner.
Most of the house has been packed up already. But all the appliances are staying on the property. Jane doesn’t want much of anything. She’s taking a few personal items and a couple of Dean’s things, but she plans on buying all new in an attempt to put this place and our past behind her.
Once the meatloaf is in the oven, I go in search for her. I’m still a little worried to leave her alone. I want to make sure being back here doesn’t cause her to have another break down.
I walk through the house until I find her sitting on Dean’s bed, hugging his pillow. I lean against the doorframe and look over the room I haven’t set foot in in five years.
“You haven’t packed up this room yet.”
I shrug. “I figured you might want one last look at it how it was before I did anything with it.”
She smiles, tears streaming down her face. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Jane. Anything to help you get better.”
She drops the pillow as she stands and takes a few steps near me. “No. I mean thank you for everything. For giving me my boy, for being a wonderful husband and father, for trying to help me and waiting for me for five years. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband.”
It feels like heat is beginning to escape my face. Why couldn’t this have happened years ago? A part of me still loves Jane and always will, but I’m not in love with her anymore. Those five years in hell squashed any romantic feelings I had for her. With all that being said, I just want her healthy and happy. I want us both to move on with our lives and remain friends.
“You have nothing to thank me for.” I walk further into the room and look at the pictures lining the dresser. There is one of him and Hope together on prom night. He looks so happy standing by her side. His blue-green eyes are shining so bright and he has a wide but crooked smile. My eyes move on to Hope. She looks so young and innocent here. Her dark hair is pulled up on top of her head, and she’s beaming her best smile. She looks nothing like this anymore. She’s grown and changed so much. It makes me wonder how much Dean would’ve changed.
“Is there anything you want to take with you from in here? If so, you should take it to your room so I don’t pack it up by mistake.”
She looks at everything one last time. “I don’t think so. I already have all our family pictures. You’re more than welcome to look through them to take some for yourself. But all this stuff… it isn’t him. It’s just stuff. It won’t make him feel any closer.”
Her answer surprises me. I remember a month after his death I tried packing up his belongings, thinking that the constant reminder wasn’t helping her. She walked in and caught me with a box as I was emptying out his desk. She yelled and cried. She hit me and threw things. I ended up having to wrap my arms around her and take her down to the floor until she calmed down.