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“Do you ever feel like this?”
“I’ve experienced Dom drop a few times. I didn’t see it coming, to be honest, and my partner and I were not prepared for it.” He runs his hands through his hair as if he’s a little agitated. “It was a rookie mistake back then. And I can’t believe I made it again now.”
He thinks I’m a mistake? Great.
“I’m so sorry, Mak.” He shakes his head and his big brown eyes lock onto mine. “I should have done better tonight. I’m not sure where I fucked up.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“No, Mak. As your Dom, I should have—”
My confession flies out of my mouth so fast, it’s all one word. “I’ve-never-done-any-of-this-before.”
The air whooshes out of him. His chest falls and shoulders drop as a mixture of disappointment and anger twists his face into a scowl. “You lied on your profile?”
“My name is Pricurious. We went over that. I’m curious about it.”
He turns to face me fully. “But your profile listed that your biggest kink was primal. When we spoke in the chat, I even asked you to verify it. You said you were into primal and that you were curious.” He scrubs his face and utters a long stream of cuss words into his palms. “Fuck, Mak.”
Instead of scolding me or yelling at me or kicking me out like I expect him to, Carson scoops me into his lap and holds me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “You probably think I was lying or tricking you, but I wasn’t. I’m into primal. I just haven’t had a chance to really experience it until tonight.”
His tone is clipped. “I went into this thinking you might not have had a lot of experience with this, but I didn’t think you had none. If I’d known, I would have been much more careful with you.”
“You were careful with me.” Far more than I anticipated. “I loved it.”
And I can’t believe I ended it so fast. Carson never even got to come. He never even got to take his shirt off, for fuck’s sake.
“If you’d have been open and honest with me, Mak, we’d have started this dynamic a different way. I would have played with you first. Bit and wrestled, kissed and nipped.”
“You did all that.”
“Yeah, after tearing through the woods after you.”
He’s said it like that’s the wrong thing to have done. I disagree. “I loved every bit of it. I’m no longer Pricurious, I’ve evolved to Pri-big-fan-of-WolfByte.”
He doesn’t laugh at my bad joke. I feel awful for leading him to believe I could keep up with his level of experience this soon. “I’m sorry.”
“We need to always be open and honest. Do you understand me?”
“Yes.” It’s my fault for not coming clean sooner. But if I had, he would have held back, and I didn’t want that to happen. “If I’d been upfront and said I was completely inexperienced, it would have caused me to overthink my choices.”
“Being careful is important. It’s okay to question your choices, Mak.”
“Not for me, it isn’t. I talk myself out of everything and regret it later. I’m not willing to do that with me and you. I want full-on wild, or nothing at all.”
As silence spreads between us, I curl against his chest, and we relax into each other.
Burying his face in the crook of my neck, Carson’s breath tickles my collarbone when he softly says, “You gave me a very precious gift tonight, Mak.” He pulls back when I look up at him and he swipes the hair from my face. “You trusted me with your first time. Thank you.”
I’m starting to understand exactly how important open honesty is for this dynamic. “Thanks for making it spectacular.”
He hugs me tighter. “We’ll go slower next time, okay? And I’m going to need to know ways you prefer I give you the best aftercare.”
“This is pretty nice.” I rest my cheek on his shoulder. “The cookies are good too.”
He grabs the package of cookies from where I’d just been sitting. “Here.” He tears open the top and offers one to me. I take it with my teeth and put the whole cookie in my mouth at once. Carson’s eyebrows raise. “That’s impressive.”