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“Well, I didn’t notice. And I still broke free.” Oh my God. What is his issue? “Carson, I loved every single thing we just did. I’ve never felt so free in my life. All the stress I’ve built up this week is gone from my chest. I feel incredible. This is exactly what I’ve been fantasizing about for a really, really, really long time.”
He keeps staring at my wrists. Why is a little redness bothering him? We both have bite marks and scratches on each other, but he’s focused on this one small thing instead.
“Hey.” I cup his face and make him look me in the eyes. “I could have used my safe word at any point, and you would have let go.”
“Yeah. I would have.”
“I told you before, I like it rough. I want marks on me, Carson.”
His jaw clenches.
“Please stop beating yourself up over a couple red marks. Seriously, I’m fine.”
He pulls out of my hold and sits down on the sofa next to me and buries his head in his hands. “I feel like I was too rough with you.”
“You weren’t. Hey…” I pull his hands down and make him look at me. “You gave me the best sex of my life just now. I want to do it again. Soon. If you get too rough, I’ll say Cupcake and it’ll be done. But you have to promise me the same thing, because you look like you got into a fight with a cougar, and she won.”
That earns me a small laugh.
Carson pulls me onto his lap and softly says, “She did, but I somehow still got the reward.”
Chapter 17
Carson
Sometimes a scene will rock a Dom, especially if it’s intense, and sometimes we need reassurance that we aren’t really feral beasts who’ve done something wrong. When Mak tries to climb out of my lap to get me some water, my arms tighten around her. “I just need to hold you for a little longer. If that’s okay.”
She settles against my chest and sighs. “Good. Because I really like you holding me.”
Once again, I’m reminded how tiny she is. I want to put her in my pocket and keep her like a gemstone. But I can’t keep her. She’s not a gemstone, she’s a fish. Something I can catch, admire, and will one day release back into the big ocean.
But not tonight. Tonight, she’s all mine.
I’m relieved Mak isn’t upset about her red wrists, but that doesn’t mean I’m not angry at myself for making them like that. Rope burns, cuffs marks, chains—those things all leave marks on your body. Same for bites and scratches. And she did make it clear to me that she likes it rough…
But there’s something about my hands making those same marks that hits a deep spot in my conscience and it’s hard to shake it off. I’ve never intentionally hurt someone before. I know all too well what it’s like to be on the receiving end of it and have always been very conscious of my strength and intensity.
Tonight, I let that slip.
I keep breaking my rules with Mak. I don’t like it. It makes me angry with myself. I’m the one who always sets the scene. Me.
Only. Me.
But tonight, I was taken by surprise and went all in with Mak running the scene and I let myself go.
I’ve never done that before. Fuck… I don’t know how to feel about it.
She leans against my chest and pulls a blanket over our bodies. I breathe in her scent and let it flow through my system, much like I do the lavender diffusers I keep in my studio.
Calm. Calm. Calm.
We stay cocooned for a while in silence. I can’t turn my damn head off. Certain thoughts lash my conscience and I can’t get them to stop. “I’m too hot.” Yanking off the blanket, I still can’t cool down. I’m still naked. Dirt is smeared all over me. Mak’s got twigs and leaves still stuck in her hair. Plucking a stem out, I drop it to the floor. “We should clean up.”
“Yeah.” She doesn’t sound convinced. “But I’m so comfy.”
Mak wiggles her ass in my lap playfully.
This entire night feels good and strange and unplanned.