Page 79 of Click
“Mmmph.” I lick the sour cream off my bottom lip. “Hurray for my excellent timing. I love that for me.”
There’s still tension and vulnerability in the air between us, but that’s okay. While we pretend that his breakdown didn’t happen, I’ve been able to analyze and understand him so much better. “Can I ask you a question?”
He wipes his mouth off with a napkin. “Sure.”
Carson hasn’t really looked at me much since he put the enchiladas in to bake. Sitting across from him, I’d hoped it would be better, but it’s not. “What’s the real reason you got into boudoir photography?” Because I don’t think it was his girlfriend feeling great about herself like he originally told me.
He takes a big gulp of water then leans back in his chair, giving me full eye contact. “So others wouldn’t feel the way I do.”
That’s what I figured. Carson’s heart is so big, I don’t know how it fits in his chest.
It makes me fall even harder for him.
“Was there ever a girlfriend who you took those pics of in college?”
“Yes.” His brow furrows. “I didn’t lie to you about that. But it’s a secondary reason for why I chose this career. And it’s also the reason I always give whenever someone asks me about it.”
I nod.
“I think a lot of women pick apart their bodies and end up never seeing their beauty the way others do.” He puts his hand up. “And yeah, I see the hypocrisy.”
I don’t say a word.
“But I also know that angles and lighting and poses can bring out the best and worst in a person’s figure. For instance…” He gets up and takes his phone out to snap three selfies—one with the camera above his head, one front and center, and one with him looking down. He looks different in all of them. “It’s all about knowing the right way to display yourself.”
I get that. “Have you ever been turned off by a woman’s physique before?”
He sits back down. “Nope.”
“Liar.”
Carson’s brow digs down. “That’s not a lie, Mak.”
Bullshit. “You’re telling me a woman’s weight doesn’t hinder your attraction of her?”
“I’m saying a woman’s physique is not what gets me hard. It’s their scent that does.” He takes another bite of his food. “It’s how I discovered primal play was even a thing. I went to a munch and finally got some answers that explained why I was attracted to certain things and then I did a lot of research on how to play safely with others. Being my size, and being this strong, I can easily hurt someone without meaning to. Plus, I know that it’s intimidating to be the prey. I had to learn how to control myself while also keeping track of their body language and noises.” He stuffs another bite of enchilada into his mouth and chews. “I never cared about their body type. I want their scent and their taste.”
Holy shit, I’m wet just hearing him admit that.
“Am I the smallest woman you’ve been with?”
“Yes.”
“Does that impact how you treat me?”
“Yes.”
I feel insulted. “Don’t treat me differently than your other subs. I have a safe word. I know how to use it.”
“I know, Mak, but the last thing I want is to put you in a position where you have to use it. I was proud of you for saying it a few weeks ago, but that doesn’t mean I want to keep pushing your boundaries over and over until you have to say it again. That’s not how this dynamic works.”
That’s fair. “What’s the craziest thing you’ve done with a partner?”
“Subjective,” he says and takes a drink. “My crazy and your crazy might not align.”
Interesting answer. “What’s one thing you did that you’ll never do again?”
He sits back and thinks about it. “I once let a woman peg me.”