Page 52 of Save Me
From the corner of my eye, I see him smile and nod before shaking his head sadly. Xander watches him drive away for both of us, before clutching hold of my arm and pulling me in so close, I’m afraid he’ll cut off my air supply.
“Not here,” I whimper, “we need to get inside.”
After today’s thoughtless slip-up, I have no doubt that Oliver will be putting men out to watch me, to make sure I’m not going back on one of his more treasured conditions. He’s already hurt me; I don’t want Xander suffering because of the promises I made to Oliver.
After a long hour of watching Xander pacing, raging, and begging me to tell him what went down this afternoon, I finally relented and spilled everything out for him to try and digest. The tears fell and his arms wrapped around me, not letting go until I’d confessed every single sordid detail. From my mistake, Oliver’s threats, to the doctor inspecting the state of my virginity in front of him.
“Shh, baby,” he whispers, sounding like he is trying to silence his own sobs while affectionately stroking my hair. “I’ve got you, and you are not going back there, ever again. This thing is done, do you hear me, Beth? It’s done!”
“Haven’t you heard what I’ve been saying? This is bigger than us, Xander!” I turn on him, imploring him to understand. “He’s like part of some fucked up mafia or cult, except all mother of influential people are working under him. I’m screwed, my blood tainted by genetics I cannot fight. If you had any sense, you would get as far away from me as possible!”
Fear and panic settle in like a disease spreading through my bloodstream, and I begin to hyperventilate. Xander instantly begins to rub my back, trying to talk me down, but it proves fruitless. He soon runs into the kitchen, empties something from the fridge, and returns with a paper bag for me to try and regulate my breathing.
“Beth, you can’t just let this happen. For starters, you need to tell your mother what the hell is going on. You’ve got to go to the police with your injuries-” I cut him off with a shake of my head, knowing that Oliver has too many connections as well as too much money to have them take any note of me. “God, at least report it, Beth!”
“Please, Xander, I care about you too much; just get far away from me. Find a nice, easy girl who isn’t caught up in all of this…I don’t even know what to call it! But you can go and live your life, safely. Please!” I beg him, cupping his face between my hands, hoping he’ll walk away because I know I can’t.
“No!” he shouts angrily. “I don’t want some nice, easy girl. I don’t want any girl except you, Beth. If I have to, I’ll kill him. He’s not laying one Goddam finger on you ever again! I told you that you’re mine, and when you’re mine you have the same rights and freedoms as I do. I’m the fucking opposite to their fucked-up world!”
“And I love you for that, Xander, I do…” I rush out in a ramble of words, only stopping when I notice the silly grin all over his face. “What?”
“You just said you love me,” he says with his teeth and those ridiculous dimples on full display. I feel the heat of embarrassment spreading all over my face, to the point whereby I need to turn away to avoid his stare. Apparently, I haven’t suffered from enough humiliation today. I would try and talk my way out of it, but seeing as we’re baring all, including my nether regions, I don’t see the point in trying to deny it.
“Hey,” he whispers at the same time as pulling me back to face the intensity of his emerald-colored eyes. “Hey, I love you.”
For a wicked, self-indulgent moment, my heart skips a beat and I want to do the Irish jig on the kitchen table, followed by a cheerleader cartwheel as a finish. However, within the next moment, I’m feeling beyond guilty, remembering that I should be trying to get him as far away from me as possible. If I really love him, surely, I should be trying to keep him safe from Oliver. But then he kisses me. He really kisses me, and I can’t help but snake my arms around his neck to hold onto him as tight as I can.
All thoughts of pushing him away melt away into nothing when our kiss becomes more lustful and desperate. He leans in to slide me underneath his body as we lose ourselves to one another on top of the couch. His hands hold mine gently above my head, with our fingers lacing through one another, and him moving against me.
“Upstairs,” I whisper, “I want you to take me upstairs and I want my first time to be with you…now, tonight.”
I suddenly feel brave, rebellious, and so in love with the boy in front of me. I’ll be damned if Oliver Lawrence is going to take my virginity as though it’s his right to. It’s mine to give away, and if I’m to suffer a life of servitude, I’m going to live tonight as if it’s my last.
“Beth, I wasn’t looking for that,” he says gently, though still nipping at my jawline. “I just wanted to hold you.”
“I know,” I reply with a smile, putting my fingertips to his lips,” but this is what I want, if you’ll have me? He took my first kiss, Xander; he’s not having this. This, I’m giving to you, with permission, and with want.”
“Fuck, Beth!” He grins mischievously before turning serious again. “Are you sure?”
I bite at my bottom lip anxiously while slowly nodding because my mouth has turned completely dry and I’m unable to voice anything out loud. His eyes dart across my face, as though searching for one last affirmation of what I’ve just said to him. After a few moments, he seems to make peace with it and moves away from the couch to offer his hand to me. When I give my own hand to him, we head silently to the staircase, with nerves hitting both of us in the anticipation of what is about to happen.
The bed looms in front of us; the sight of it has me tightening my grip on his hand to make him turn and look at me. He can see how nervous I am, so pulls me in for a kiss, taking his time to be gentle and put me at ease. I begin to wonder how many girls he’s been with because he seems so calm. I shake the thought away, realizing it’s only making me feel worse. Instead, I concentrate on threading my fingers through his hair, like it’s my very own stress reliever. For a long while, we just enjoy tasting each other, sinking deeper into one another, and only when the mood takes us. Nothing is forced, which after today, is exactly how I need this to be.
In time, he reaches down to the hem of my dress and pulls it effortlessly up and away from my body. My nipples pucker at the sudden temperature change, or maybe it’s just the anticipation of being with him. When he steps back, he takes a moment to look me over, smiling appreciatively before walking me back toward the bed where I hit the linen with the backs of my knees. It feels much more sensory than usual.
Taking in a deep breath to ease my anxiety, I try to relax my shoulders. He pulls me in to begin kissing along my jawline at the same time as he expertly removes my bra with one hand. I can’t help but giggle over his skilled technique.
“Took me half an hour to master that using a teddy and one of Casey’s bras,” he says with a giddy smirk, but also with an obvious blush over his admission.
He then sinks his head to my chest where he draws one nipple inside of his mouth, sucking on it slowly and teasing me with his tongue. For a while, he gazes at me as he works, making me feel so exposed, I almost have to look away. But then he smiles and moves to the other one. He starts to run his hands over the lacey design of my knickers, and with slow, gentle kisses, he moves south with his lips. He is soon nuzzling his nose between my thighs, where his tongue darts out just to play with me. When I begin to feel like I could melt at any moment, his fingers slowly pull my knickers all the way down until there is nothing between him and my body. After gazing at my naked sex with a smile, he emits a slow, stream of cold air through his mouth and over my sensitive core. I end up giggling once again when I stumble from the sensation of it, though he merely continues to smile before standing up to meet me face to face.
“I love you, Beth,” he whispers, and plants a small kiss on my nose. “And I want you, but I only want this if you are truly ready.”
I almost cry when I hear those words. After everything that was forced upon me this afternoon, together with Oliver’s threat to take me until I bleed, Xander’s gentleness has me feeling so emotional that I love him even more for it.
“I’ve never been surer of anything, Xander,” I tell him on a happy sigh. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but right now, I’m yours and you are mine.”
My answer soothes his conscience, while simultaneously lighting up a lustful light within his deep green eyes. The time comes for him to pull his shirt off with one hand, just as I start to unbuckle his belt and jeans. His chiseled abs and muscular physique stare back at my wide-open eyes, and now it is my turn to ogle what is before me, appreciating all that he has to offer. He smiles deviously over my reaction to his nudity, then literally sweeps me off my feet before throwing me onto the bed with a healthy bounce.