Page 53 of Save Me

Like a hunter coming after his prey, he playfully crawls between my thighs, but shocks me by dropping down to my embarrassing wetness below. He begins to feast on me with such skill, I’m in danger of not lasting long at all. It feels so intensely good, I don’t even worry about the noises of my own arousal. In fact, in next to no time, I find myself involuntarily arching my back to meet him more greedily. I roll my hand over his head as he works to bring me to the brink of no return. I cry out when pleasure consumes me, moaning his name with care-free abandonment, and without the paralyzing fear of saying it out loud.

The sound of a foil packet being torn between his teeth brings me back to earth. Even though I try not to tense up, knowing that this will only make it all the more painful, my muscles ignore the instruction to stand down, and instead, become rigid beneath him. My man isn’t blind to my plight, and he knows to slow down, to kiss me, to touch me with just the right pressure to make me putty again. When his forehead finally rests against mine, his lips parted from needing to breathe more deeply, I know what’s coming. I pull at his shoulders, encouraging him to do it, to take what I’m offering.

And he does…with one hard thrust!

I gasp at the sudden intrusion, his opening me up for the very first time, and delivering a burning sensation that tells me whatever was there, protecting my virginity, isn’t anymore. Fuck! It hurts! But I’m so glad this is with someone I love, and not with someone I fear, someone I hate.

“I’m going to move slowly until you feel ok,” he whispers as he looks into my eyes. He winces when he sees my furrowed brow and my mouth panting out puffs of air to try and get used to the stinging of him being inside of me. As soon as I nod, he gently begins to rock his hips against mine, which still hurts the first few times. But then it begins to ease, and I nod at him to signal that he can move harder.

“I’m sorry I’m hurting you,” he murmurs into the crook of my neck as he moves a little more rigorously inside of me. I can’t answer, I can only concentrate on dealing with the sting. However, after a while, my body relaxes, and a strange sensation of pleasure begins to filter through. It’s not enough for me to get anywhere near to releasing an orgasm, but it’s calming. It gives me the confidence to move against him, to silently tell him that it’s ok to take me how he wants to.

My breathing becomes quick, as does his, and from the growl he emits, I can tell he is close.

“Is this good? Is this how it should feel for you?” I ask him with a furrowed brow, worried that I might not be doing what I should be.

“So good,” he murmurs before kissing me again. “I just don’t want it to end, not with you.”

“There will be other times, you idiot,” I giggle as I stroke his cheek. He catches my hand, kisses at my wrist, before directing it down to where we are joined, where he uses my hand to rub against my sensitive nerves below.

“Thank God,” he whispers with a smile, still directing my hand back and forth. “That feel good?”

“Yes,” I whisper as a familiar feeling of euphoria begins to build behind my fingers.

“Then keep going, baby,” he directs me, “come with me!”

As he moves harder, deeper, and with a circular movement of his hips, I feel as though I am now galloping towards that ledge again. And when I see how close he is, just from the look of pleasure on his face, it feels as though I can’t get there quick enough. He moans from the back of his throat, and I soon feel a throbbing inside of me. The sensation finally pushes me with such relief, I too, emit a pitched noise, before losing my breath altogether. It’s satisfying, and I can’t help but smile over his reaction, especially when his comedown has him falling to my chest.

“I love you,” he whispers, cupping my face before planting a soft kiss on top of my lips.

Xander’s declaration is the only thing I remember when I succumb to the darkness of sleep. Nightmares plague me throughout the night, with the final one eventually waking me early the next morning. I had dreamed of Oliver crouching on top of me, caging me in beneath his body and with his hands pushing me harder into the mattress. His mouth had curled into a devious smirk, but it was his angry eyes that had made me scream out when he suddenly thrust toward me.

I shot up in bed screaming and covered in a sheen of sweat and cold shivers, all the while I thrashed around to push him away from me. Xander tried to calm me but all I could see was Oliver coming for me, claiming me, so I fought back with everything I had until eventually, the hallucination subsided. Only when this happened did I see the man I love, reaching to pull me closer toward his chest while offering reassuring kisses to the top of my head.

“Don’t kiss me,” I eventually mutter with an embarrassed sigh, “I’m gross!”

I try and pull away from him, feeling beyond embarrassed by how sweaty I feel. My body is literally soaking wet, and the sheets are damp.

“Shush, woman,” he chuckles “you’re my gross.”

“God, why me?”

I throw the covers back and get out of bed to go to the bathroom if only to avoid his gaze when I feel and smell this disgusting. Without any other pause for thought, I jump into the shower, soaping myself up so I no longer resemble the fragrance of a boy’s locker room.

“Holy shit!” I cry after I finish toweling myself dry. “Look at my thigh!”

I wander out of the bathroom and point to the huge, angry bruise from where Oliver had thrown me onto the floor yesterday. It’s no wonder I was limping; it looks like I’ve worn a damp pair of new jeans that have left behind their purple dye in a swollen, mottled pattern. Xander jumps up beside me to take a closer look, and I instantly notice his hands turning into fists again.

“He should be fucking glad I don’t know where he lives, Beth,” he growls. He begins pacing while flexing his fingers and looking desperate to release his anger on something. “I want to murder the son of a bitch. How dare he do this to you?!”

“Xander, please calm down!” I beg as I edge toward him, but as soon as I get close enough to touch, he throws his hands up for me to stop. I can tell he’s feeling beyond impotent over the situation, and that showing him my leg was perhaps a stupid thing to do but seeing it had caused me to momentarily forget myself. With that in mind, he gets exactly to the count of twenty to sort his rage out before I throw my hands on my hips and look at him like he’s a naughty child.

“Xander, after what we did last night, can you just…hold me?!”

My pissed off tone of voice seems to work, given he looks both shocked and guilty for a moment. However, it works, and he eventually relents by wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m sorry,” he says with a long sigh. “I can’t get my head around it. He hurt you, he violated you, and I’m supposed to just…what? Let it go?!”

“For now, yes,” I reply, eyeing him with serious intent, because that’s exactly what he’s going to have to do, whether he likes it or not. “We need to be clever about this. If we act on impulse now, we could make a horrible situation even worse. I need you here, Xander, not dead in a dumpster somewhere. I also don’t want anything that risks me having to go and live with him sooner than I have to!”