Page 25 of When Sky Breaks
The leaves dot the backyard like little islands, the oranges and reds lying atop the green. The fence, once warped in areas, now stands tall and straight, as most of the damaged wood has been replaced since the last time I was here.
I sit in one of our deck chairs and stretch out my legs, my focus on the woods beyond our fence. “I opened all your packages.”
He nods from beside me, hands fidgeting in his lap. “I’m glad. I hope you liked them.”
“I loved them.”
The silence becomes unbearable. Why is it so hard to say I forgive you? It’s just three words, but they’re stuck like gum to the roof of my mouth.
“Sky, I, we—we never meant for any of that to happen. None of it. God, this is so hard to talk about because I know it was wrong, but I have to, we have to.”
I turn to him. There’s so much pain etched on his face that it lances through my chest as he continues. “You weren’t supposed to be home, and even then, it was such a fucking stupid idea, and I was a stupid kid. I don’t know what to say to make it right. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do or say to make everything better.”
Apparently, I still have a major reservoir of tears because they come bursting forth. “You can’t, Trek. There’s nothing you can do to change what happened,” I croak.
His face falls.
I wipe at my nose. “You don’t have to make it right. There’s no right here. Chase is gone. I can’t bring him back. But I have you. You’re alive, I’m alive and I can’t keep hating the fact I’m here and he isn’t. It won’t change a damn thing,” I stutter, hoping I’m making sense. “I need my brother, Trek.”
He clutches his arms and curls over in obvious anguish. “I know, I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to do?—”
“No, you don’t understand. I need you.” I breathe through a clogged nose.
Hope washes over his features as he straightens. “You forgive me?”
“It’s not that easy.” He slumps, and I rest my elbows on my knees and clutch my temples. “The gifts and everything were special, don’t get me wrong, but?—”
“It’s not enough,” he says, his brows furrowing.
“But it’s a step in the right direction. You’re trying, and that’s important to me.”
“I won’t stop trying, I promise.”
“I believe you.”
The chairs creak as we shift in our seats.
“What do you think? Should we hug?” I have to at least meet him partway on this. Because that’s who I am. I can no more change the intricate bits that make me Sky Winters than Trek can change what makes him Trek Berry. Doesn’t mean he’s out of the gutter just yet.
“Does this mean I can resume making fun of you?” he asks after what he deems is an acceptable amount of hugging for siblings.
I sock him in the shoulder. “I’m surprised you waited this long.”
“I’m not a total jerk.” He smirks. “Well, not all the time.”
“It’s okay to admit it’s your love language.”
Disdain curls his lip. “Eck. Love, schmug, what does that mean anyway?”
“It means realizing what’s important in life and letting go of what’s not.”
“So profound. Is that why you’re dating Mr. Fancy Pants?” he mocks.
“Shut up. Don’t push it.” I scowl, trying to be menacing.
“Come on. Even you have to admit, he doesn’t really fit in. August was more of a match than that dude. Does he even own a pair of sweatpants? Or jeans?”
And just like that, the bit of sunshine fizzles away. Trek realizes by the hurt on my face, he messed up.