Page 27 of When Sky Breaks
I flush. “Oh, uh, no, we don’t, but will water work? We have spring water.”
“That’s fine, babe. Thanks.”
Trek thins his eyes at Johnny before I yank on his arm. Once inside the garage, I flip on the light as Trek rambles.
“Sis. The man is trying to poison us with raw seafood. Who knows how long that stuff has been sitting on the shelf?”
I roll my eyes and pull open the fridge. “Relax. Knowing Johnny, it’s the expensive kind. Besides, don’t you want to live a little and not eat cereal for dinner every day?”
He huffs. “Exactly. I want to live and that won’t happen if I consume that—that stuff. Cereal is full of preservatives. I’m guaranteed to live until I’m two hundred years old by eating it.”
Any other time, I’d think Trek was hilarious with his haughty little attitude, but I want to lash out. “Can you please just do this for me? Entertain the idea that this is what I need? Someone different, someone who challenges me to try new things, to get out of the shell I’ve been in the last five years?”
Trek blinks as I rant, his wide blue eyes tracking me as I pace with a bottle of water in my hand.
“Jesus, Trek. I mean, I just, I don’t freaking know what to do. I don’t know what I want and fuck. I’m trying so hard to keep it together for Dad, and now that Johnny has inserted himself into this little unit, I’m trying to see if it will work. I need it to work.”
“What do you mean?”
I face him, my cheeks on fire, my body buzzing from too much adrenaline or from keeping too much in for the sake of others. “So I can move on for good.”
Trek still looks confused, and I swear to god he’s smarter than he lets on.
“From August!” I shout before clapping a hand over my mouth.
The only sound for a minute straight is the humming fridge.
Trek finally bobs his head and gently takes the bottle of water from me. “So you think shacking up with Doctor Snobby Johnny is going to make you get over August?”
I stay silent, my chest heaving from my confession.
“Listen to yourself. Does that even sound like you? Or something you even want?” He rakes his hair from his forehead and holds up a pointer finger. “For one, August doesn’t know you’re back home. But he will find out. Hell, Tiff next door probably had her binoculars out, spying as Johnny strode up our steps like a fucking celebrity. Watching him swing that bag of stinky sushi. How much you wanna bet by tomorrow, word gets to August, and he hears you’re here and seeing a man older than you with deep pockets to make up for his personality.”
He points to the door. “If that doesn’t bother you one bit—August knowing you’re off the market and happy—then I think you accomplished what you’ve set out to do. But if any part of you is not over August, then you need to talk to him. Hash it out. We fucked up. Big time. I don’t expect your forgiveness and if I know August like I used to, he’s never expected it either. But wallowing was never something you did.”
“I’m not wallowing,” I grit out, my fingers digging into the rough material of my pants.
“Maybe not. But you’re hiding from him. Just like you hid from us the last five years. I deserved it. Dad didn’t, but I get why you didn’t come home. But you’re here now. Maybe it’s time to get it all out. You might feel better once you’ve yelled at August.”
“Should I yell at you some more?” I growl.
“Go ahead, I won’t stop you. I know we still have things to work on. I’m not stupid. But I’m not giving up on you or us. We’re family, and family sticks together. I’ll apologize every day if I have to, just so you know I’m serious.” Trek lets out an exasperated sound. “And if Johnny is who you want, then I’ll support it. You know I will. Eventually, he’d grow on me. Dad too. But if you think you could forgive August and be with him, I think that needs to be explored. I saw you two together, and it was real. Johnny doesn’t even know you hate vegetables unless it’s a starch.”
Trek grabs another few bottles of water from the fridge and, with one more look in my direction, heads inside.
My lungs rattle as I inhale a deep breath, attempting to steady my fried nerves before I face all of them.
August destroyed me. Tore my heart out and left it to waste away. Forgiveness shouldn’t even be on the table.
And maybe it doesn’t have to be. I can say my piece and hope that’s enough to start living my life as freely as I want with nothing and no one holding me back.
It’s hard to let go, though. He was, at one time, my entire world. We were real. Now, I’m not so sure it was more than just a means to an end. A way for August to assuage his guilt.
Once I cool down enough to go inside, I pause just inside the threshold of the kitchen. The guys sit around the table, but instead of just sushi hijacking the middle, there are containers of leftover ribs and mashed potatoes, plus a side of macaroni and cheese.
A tiny smirk turns up my lips as I slide into my seat.
“Well, it looks like I owe your dad and brother an apology,” Johnny says, eyeing the barbecue sauce on Foster’s fingers.