Page 53 of The Love Penalty
“I can run from the dorm to your truck.” She rolls her eyes, then smiles at me, tucking a lock of thick black hair behind her ear. She’s dressed in sweats and a big hoodie, her little feet tucked into a white pair of Adidas. This sporty-casual look is kind of adorable on her. “Thanks for coming.”
“Anytime.” I put my truck in gear, and we pull away from Huxley Hall.
“I thought we were going for a walk,” she murmurs, glancing at me, then out the window.
“We can, if you want, but there’s also this cool spot up on the hill where we can see the stars for miles. We could park up there and take a walk…” I check her expression. “Or we could just walk the streets around here if you prefer. Whatever you want.”
“Wow.” Her lips quirk into a grin. “You’re so agreeable tonight. Is everything okay? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say ‘you want’ so many times before.”
I snicker and shake my head. Damn, she notices everything, and she’s never afraid to call me out either. It both excites and infuriates me.
Biting my tongue, I keep my eyes on the road ahead and wait for her answer.
She lets out a little huff, then leans back in her seat. “I know my news changes things, but… I don’t want you to be different around me. It just makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, you know?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” I quickly assure her. “I just… I want to help you and take this away from you. And?—”
“You can’t take it away. Neither of us can change it.” She pulls her sleeves over her hands and crosses her arms, like she’s creating a shield to protect herself.
“So, what do I do? How do I make this better for you?” My voice is taking on a desperate edge. I can hear it, but I can’t seem to stop it either.
“You can’t fix it.”
“I know,” I huff. “And it’s fucking killing me. I want time travel to be a thing. I want to walk into that party and find you and pull you away from that fucknugget before he can even look at you!”
She snorts, then lets out a surprisingly loud laugh.
I glance at her, annoyed that she’s mocking my tirade.
“Sorry.” She laughs. “It’s just… fucknugget’s a good one. I like that.”
My laugh is shallow and humorless as I shake my head.
“Look, I know it’s hard, and this is probably why I didn’t want to tell people. I don’t want them tiptoeing around me or treating me like some weak, helpless victim. I don’t want to be that. I don’t ever want to feel so powerless again. I’m strong. I don’t need you to wrap me in bubble wrap.”
“So, what do you need, then?”
“Just…” She shrugs. “Treat me like you did when you thought you hated me.”
I roll my eyes. “I never hated you.”
“I drove you crazy.” She shoots me an incredulous look. “You called me a shrutebag.”
“And you called me a lumpatious asshole.” I glance at her and can’t help grinning. “That was a good one, actually. And it’s things like that that made it impossible to hate you.” I raise my eyebrows at her. “You infuriate me sometimes. And you’ve pissed me off plenty. But you’ve also…” My words trail off as I feel the weight of what I’m about to say.
“I’ve also what?” Her question is quiet and cautious, like she’s bracing herself for some kind of insult, formulating a quick rebuttal to slam me down.
I soften my voice to a gentle lilt. “You’ve also made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I’ve never wanted to be with someone more. And I’ve never been kept awake at night by thoughts of a woman. I’ve never woken up thinking about the same person every day.”
She’s gone eerily quiet, and I shift in my seat, waiting for her to respond.
I’m still driving toward the hill, but I’ve slowed my speed to a midnight amble. It’s not like there are many other cars around.
“You know what,” she finally murmurs. “The hill sounds good. Let’s go stargazing.”
It wasn’t the exact response I was looking for. My gaping heart is now lying open on the operating table, and she’s changing the subject.
But I’ve got no other choice but to take it. It’s not like I can pull over and demand some kind of romantic response.