Page 75 of The Love Penalty
That’s huge and terrifying.
I don’t know if I ever want to fall in love, yet I’m allowing it to happen so easily.
Shaking my head again, I attempt a somewhat lame explanation. “The bathroom was great. It’s not that. You’re great. I just want my own bed.”
“Bullshit!” he growls. “Why are you leaving?”
“Because I don’t want this kind of relationship!” I suddenly shout.
His head jolts back. “What kind of relationship?”
“You know, where you have to be together all the time. It’s pathetic.”
Running a hand through his wet hair, he looks away from me, clenching his jaw and sort of nodding. “So, you want to be in a relationship where you don’t want to be with your partner?” He shakes his head, turning back to face me with a confused frown. “Lani, that’s not a relationship.”
“I just don’t want to need you,” I retort.
And there it is. My big ol’ fear rising to the surface. The thought of relying on someone else in that way kills me. Relying on people can get you hurt. Trusting people can kill you.
But you trusted Asher before. You let him in.
Because I was trying to prove a point that I can handle anything!
But maybe I can’t handle this.
Maybe being in love is all too much for me.
“You don’t need me.” Asher’s deep voice cuts through my thoughts, and I blink, looking up at him in surprise.
What did he just say?
“You are a strong, amazing woman. You’re fuckin’ fire. If anyone could make it on their own, it’s you.” He raises his hand with this hopeless frown. As it drops against his leg, he looks me right in the eye, and I swear he’s gonna break my heart wide open. “I just want you to want me. To hang with me. To enjoy my company.”
My heart starts to swell and pulse—a special beat just for him.
“I want you to sleep next to me. With no goal other than to rest and feel safe enough to drift off. I want to wake up beside you so we can start our day together. And I’m not asking for that every single night. I just…” He shakes his head, looking adorably sad as he murmurs, “I want you to want me.”
My eyes start to burn, the emotion clogging my throat making it damn near impossible to speak. “Fuck you, Bensen,” I finally manage to squeak. “I do want you.” My bag drops to the floor. “I love spending time with you, annoyingly enough. You’re… you’re turning into everything I love about any given day!”
My outburst is followed by a thick beat of silence. He’s staring at me, his eyes wide with hope as he whispers, “You love me?”
“I didn’t say that.” I cross my arms and scowl at him.
“You didn’t have to.” The grin that’s stretching across his face right now is beautiful. His eyes are practically glowing as he does a little hip dip, then saunters across the room.
I roll my eyes. “Don’t swagger.”
“Oh, I’m swaggering.” He raises his eyebrows, his smile growing even wider. “You love me.”
“I didn’t say that,” I mutter again, but he acts as though he hasn’t heard me.
Reaching my side, he lightly grabs my hips and tugs me toward him. Planting a sweet kiss on my nose, he smiles down at me, lightly touching my hair. “I love you too.”
And there goes my heart. I can feel it pulling apart—right down the middle—gaping open to suck him right in.
I never thought I wanted to hear those words, but they’re like water for my soul.
It’s impossible to speak, so I rise to my tiptoes and curl my fingers around the back of his neck. Kissing his lips, I sink against him, and when he lifts me off the ground, my legs automatically wrap around him.