Page 40 of Sheltered
I hated having to let Harlow go, but I instantly released the hold I had on her. On the bright side, even though we both shifted our bodies to a seated position, I was relieved Harlow didn’t feel the need to separate herself from me completely. She stayed close, took a moment to gather her thoughts, and finally revealed, “I have something I need to share with you, but I’m very nervous about sharing it.”
Jumping to conclusions was the last thing I wanted to do, but I had a feeling I knew where this discussion was headed. Given what we’d been doing only minutes ago and her reaction now, it seemed my suspicions about Harlow might have been accurate.
While I wanted Harlow to feel comfortable enough to share the truth with me, I didn’t like that she might have believed I had expectations about where our night would go.
If what I believed to be the case was the truth, it was obvious to me she wasn’t ready for us to take that next step in our relationship. The last thing I’d ever do is pressure her into something like that, and I intended to tell her as much, but I needed her to first confirm this wasn’t all inside my head.
“Whatever it is, I promise you can tell me,” I assured her.
She swallowed hard, and I could see how she was taking the time to prepare herself to share the truth. “I don’t know how this is supposed to be done, so I guess I’m just going to come right out with it,” she started. “I like what’s happening between us, especially what we were just doing, and I think you like it, too.”
She was irresistible. I’d have been a fool to say otherwise. Nodding, I confirmed, “I do.”
“Right. Well, I don’t want you to be disappointed when I tell you this, and I’m not sure there’s a great way to share it. The truth is, I’m a virgin.”
The second the words were out of her mouth, she looked away. For whatever reason, she seemed to believe this was a bad thing, and I planned to correct that immediately.
I lifted my hand toward her face, gently pinched her chin between my thumb and forefinger, and urged her to look at me again. When I had her eyes on mine, I slid my hand to the side and stroked my thumb over her cheek. “Why do you think I’d ever be disappointed about that?”
Harlow swallowed hard, her eyes welling with tears. Somehow, she managed to stave them off and answered, “It’s embarrassing. I’m thirty-two years old, and I don’t have any experience beyond kissing. Even that is limited.”
Offering a small, reassuring smile, I said, “This is nothing to be ashamed of, Harlow. Not at all. In fact, I kind of already had a feeling this was what you planned to share with me. I already knew your experience was limited.”
Any hope I’d had of being able to reassure and comfort her flew out the window, because Harlow’s body tensed as her eyes darted across my face. “What? Why? Was I bad?”
“What?” I asked, utterly confused.
She clapped a hand over her mouth, essentially forcing my hand to fall away from her face, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. “This is worse than I thought. If you already knew I was inexperienced before I said anything to you, it has to be because I’m a bad kisser. This is even more mortifying, because you’re phenomenal at it, and apparently, I suck at it.”
This was not the moment to laugh, but it was taking everything inside me not to let the laughter spill out. The idea that Harlow believed I thought she wasn’t a good kisser was comical.
“Harlow, baby, you just told me that you like what’s happening between us, especially what we were just doing,” I reminded her. “And you said you believed I liked it, too, which was the truth. What gave you the impression I was enjoying myself?”
Lifting her shoulders toward her ears, she confessed, “Well, you kept kissing me. And you were making noises. And I could… I could feel things that I thought might mean you liked what was happening.”
God, she was adorable.
“I did like what was happening. I liked it a lot, maybe even a little too much. But, baby, give me some credit as a private investigator. The day I met you, you told me you hadn’t dated anyone in at least ten years. Plus, you told me you hadn’t taken a guy home to meet your family. Maybe I couldn’t conclusively say whether you’d had any experience, but even if you’d been in a relationship when you were much, much younger, I still would have been willing to bet it didn’t leave you with much experience.”
The tension in her body eased, her shoulders relaxing. “Oh.”
Silence filled the air as the both of us allowed the information we’d shared to sink in. I couldn’t say for sure what Harlow was thinking, but I knew what was going through my mind. This woman was an absolute treasure, and there was nothing I wanted more than to make sure she understood just how special she was.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, my hand landing on top of hers, which was resting in her lap.
Her brows pulled together. “For what?”
I offered what I hoped was a reassuring squeeze on her hand and a sympathetic look. “I want you to know that I never meant to make you feel pressured in any way. Not with feeling compelled to share this with me, nor with what would happen between us tonight.”
Shaking her head, she insisted, “You didn’t make me feel that way, Blaze. Obviously, it’s been lingering in the back of my mind since the two of us started seeing one another, but I had this overwhelming desire, particularly after we made this plan to have this time together tonight, to tell you the truth. I wanted to be honest with you, so I could be fair to you.”
That single word had all my senses firing. “Fair?”
She nodded. “Yes. I mean, well, that’s part of the reason I was so afraid to tell you. I just didn’t want it to be the reason it changed everything. I worried that you might not like it or that you’d want someone who knows what they’re doing. While I can understand that, it’s still upsetting to think this could be the thing that brings what’s happening between us to a grinding halt.”
The last thing I wanted to do was say something to horrify Harlow, but I was in such disbelief over how she could think any of that was the case. I tried to take a second to breathe and calm myself down, but I felt too much to contain my thoughts. Holding her hand firmly in mine, my eyes locked on hers, I begged, “Please understand what I’m about to say might shock you, but I don’t mean for it to be taken in any way that isn’t good.”
Trepidation leaked into her expression, but despite it, she offered a slight nod as she whispered, “Okay.”