Page 123 of House of Lies
“We do now that time’s up. Do you want me to go first? I’ll go first.” He pushes the skirt past my ass, caressing my inner thigh. “You are not the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with,” he states, grazing his knuckles against my clit. “You are not the blood in my veins,” he says, unbuttoning my shirt further. “You are not the air I breathe, Caelia.”
The way he says my name makes me tremble. I’m not sure for how long I can hold back the tears. This is not what I want—none of this. I never wanted to give him the power to destroy me, but he has had it from the beginning, and now he chooses to tear me apart.
“Stop,” I plead.
“I am not finished yet.” He removes my shirt from my skirt, holding my head in place, his hand entwined in my hair, preventing me from looking away. “You are just another human being to me, not my queen. You are not the one who can bring me to my knees or who can make me beg, pray, and crawl. You are not the one I would die to protect.”
“Please, Kaz. Stop.”
I lean my forehead against his. His eyes burn into me, reminding me I’m his, like I could ever forget. He’s mad at me for taking my sweet time to decide what I want to do with my life, and he’s far from being satisfied with my answer. I’ll take my punishment. I am good at fucking things up and running away when it’s the last thing I should do.
“And here’s a truth for you, zhizn moya. ? ???? ?????.”
He kisses me the same way he’s touching me. He is unforgiving, stealing all the air from my lungs and leaving me to drown in the weight of his words. He loves me, and I love him.
“Now, give me all your lies.”
I’m left with no more lies. He has always had a way of pulling the truth out of me since the beginning. He kisses my neck, my clavicle, and the valley between my breasts. Kaz pushes the shirt down on my shoulders, undressing me slowly. He unhooks my bra.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Come on, Caelia. We both know how good you’re at this game,” he replies before he bends his head to suck my nipple.
It’s not a game any longer, and he knows it. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment things changed when he cauterized all my scars. I feel almost bulletproof in his arms. He’s the only one who can destroy me.
“I don’t think of your place as my home.” I give him what he wants. “I don’t feel safe here,” I stutter when he slides my panties to the side, moving his thumb in circles on my clit. I take a deep breath. “I feel trapped in this marriage.” I close my eyes when he pushes two fingers inside me. “You don’t make me happy.” God, this hurts so much. My chest tightens, and I can’t hold back the tears. “I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with you.”
Kaz grabs the back of my thighs and stands up. He throws everything away from the desk while he balances me in his arms, placing me on the edge. He cups my cheeks and kisses me again, more slowly than the first time. Something made him think we have all the time in the world. It’s an illusion. He wipes my tears with his thumbs.
“Is this all?” I nod. “You’re breaking my fucking heart, solnyshko. Vanya warned me about it, but I laughed in his face because I didn’t think I had a heart. But if there’s someone in the entire world who can prove me wrong, that would be you.”
Vanya was right to hate me from the beginning. He warned me I was going to hurt Kaz. I didn’t think it was possible back then, but I understand it now. My skin burns in all the places he kisses, and he’s hell-bent on not leaving one inch of my body untouched.
“Are you going to take my dick like a good girl one last time for me?”
“Yes.”
Kaz pulls down my underwear, spreading my legs. He falls to his knees in front of me. My body reacts to his touch when he licks my clit, silencing my thoughts. There was always something about the way he made my body bend to his will, but tonight, he breaks me. He doesn’t stop until he makes me squirt, his mouth on my pussy a couple of seconds later, bringing me to orgasm. I’m trapped in my mind, half aware of the things he does to me. I don’t want to remember this when I’m old, and I’ll think about the only man I loved in my entire life. I don’t want to remember when I’ll ask myself if he’s happy, if he remarried, or if he feels the same things for his wife as he did for me. He stands up, settling between my legs. Kaz unbuttons his slacks, pushing them past his hips just enough to free his erection.
He knows I hate it when he keeps his clothes on. When I can’t touch his skin. When I can’t feel all of him. I deserve it tonight, though. Knowing it will be the last time, I’ll take whatever he’s willing to give me.
My eyelids flutter as he thrusts inside me in one motion. My pussy throbs around his cock, and my heart keeps on breaking. I’m all over the place. He stands still, looking at me with a tormented look on his face.
“I hope you’ll carry pieces of me everywhere you go, Caelia,” grabbing my waist, he slides me up and down on him. He places his thumb on my clit, making it as painful as possible for me. He’s not focused on his movements at all. “I hope you find the freedom you crave.” His jaw is tense. I can’t blink away the tears, so they fall again. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t know how to stop it. If I can.
I’ve let it get too far, and I feel like I’m losing him—every single piece of him. I should’ve said something months ago when he told me he was falling in love with me or any day after that. He always listened, and he always cared. He gave me everything, but I’ve pushed him too far.
“Kaz—”
“I hope you marry someone who’ll make you happy, keep you safe, and make you the queen of his kingdom. You deserve nothing less than a man who puts you above everything and everyone else—above his life.”
I can feel my heartbeat fading.
“I need to leave,” I say.
“What?”
“I need to leave,” I repeat, panic rushing through my veins. I can’t take this without breaking, and I’ve made it this far. “Now,” I beg.