Page 125 of House of Lies
“She had enough time to figure out what she wanted. I gave her a glimpse of what her life could be like, and she decided it was not good enough. What else do you want me to do? Crawl? Fall on my knees?”
If I thought it would make her stay, I would do it. I’m that fucking desperate.
“Just tell me what you need.”
“I need her. That’s all I need. Nothing else. Not anyone else.”
I finish my whiskey in one sip, throwing the glass into the wall on my right side. I lean back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. There are too many spinning red lights.
“You were right.” I sigh. “This was a fucking stupid plan.” I laugh, spiraling out of control. “The worst plan ever.”
I feel like I’m underwater, and I can barely breathe. I have been drowning in her since the beginning, and now I can’t remember how to swim back to the surface. My mind replays all the moments we shared—the vulnerable ones, where she revealed her true self, luring me into believing I might be enough for her. Mattia is no longer an excuse. He is gone, and this has nothing to do with him. She set my heart ablaze and now refuses to stay and watch it burn. I’ve wanted no one the way I want her. It takes all my willpower not to go back and chain her. I’m holding back just because I promised to set her free when the time runs out.
And time has run out.
“I hope you never fall in love, cousin. It’s the worst feeling in the world.”
“Thanks for the warning, Kaz. I’m not a lover.”
What is he talking about? I can’t remember a word I said to him a second ago. I should stop drinking and start thinking of a plan. Not that I’ve been very successful so far. I failed her somewhere. That’s the only explanation I can come up with.
“You didn’t fail her. You saved her life, killed her abusive husband, fucking married her, and made her a part of everything, Kaz. You gave her what no woman in the Mordvinov family history ever had. She’s the one failing you.”
Caelia never wanted what no woman in Mordvinov’s family history ever had. All she wanted was her freedom.
So I have to give her that.
Even if it cripples me.
CHAPTER 80
Caelia
Kaz has been gone for a few hours, but that doesn’t mean he does not haunt me just because he’s not here. He lingers in every corner of this place—his belongings, his scent—and the longer I stay, the deeper my heart cracks. I hesitate, questioning my decision. I laugh when I realize that having so much freedom feels suffocating. It’s absurd. Am I making the right choice by abandoning everything to pursue something I believe I want, even if deep down I’m uncertain? I resist the urge to shower, desperate to cling to his lingering scent for as long as possible.
“Are you ready, Mrs. Mordvinova?” Dmitri’s voice breaks through my thoughts as he glances at the two suitcases I’ve packed.
“Do you think I’m making a mistake, Dmitri?” I ask, hoping for some reassurance.
“It’s not my place to answer that question,” he responds, shifting uncomfortably.
He doesn’t need to. The answer is written on his face. I force a smile and stop glaring at the bed in which Kaz fucked me so many times. The bed in which he made love to me countless times, where he whispered all his secrets, trusting me with his life.
“I’m ready,” I say, determined to see this through despite the pain.
I take one last look around, then approach the door. Dmitri follows, carrying my suitcases. I’m tempted to ask Dmitri where Kaz is or to call him and beg him to come back so we can talk, but I resist. My mind is made up, and I need to see this through, even if it kills me.
For the first time, I have a house that’s more than that—a home. And I’m willingly leaving it behind.
Dmitri opens the car door, waiting for me to step inside. The plane awaits us. I still haven’t decided where I want to go. I have no clue.
CHAPTER 81
Caelia
SIX MONTH LATER
I left my heart in Russia the day I left. It now belongs to him, and walking around without a heart is a strange sensation. There’s an empty void within me that nothing can fill. It’s the most agonizing feeling in the world. I’m hollow and cold. This isn’t what freedom is supposed to feel like. Even the first time I ran away didn’t compare to this; now, it’s a million times worse. Kaz told me he loved me. I’ve been a coward, running away. I did what I knew how to do best, despite my gut instinct warning me I was doing the wrong thing.