Page 126 of House of Lies
I yearned to taste the flavor of freedom, but it’s a bitter taste that lingers. Everywhere I go, I see him, a constant reminder of the love I left behind. I counted on him to back down on our deal. I thought he would change his mind and force me to stay, to fight for our love. I hoped to see a glimpse of the person he showed me he can be when he wants something and things are not going his way. I’ve tried to read into his actions, but I came up with no explanation. I only have the truth he gave me. He loves me, so he set me free. No one ever loved me the way he did. No one ever will. And now, I don’t have a heart to offer to someone else. Kaz won’t come after me; he’s done it too many times before. This time, he won’t save me from myself, but I still hope for a chance to make things right.
I’ve tried to adapt to my new life, but it’s a constant struggle. He must know I chose Paris as my final destination, a place where I thought I could find myself. I’ve traveled, but I got tired. I’m not trying to hide from him. I live my life under Summer Webb, and I can’t help but wonder if he chose this first name because of what he used to call me. I never expected the routine to be so mundane. Each morning, I have breakfast at a corner café near my rented flat, gazing at the Seine River. Most of my days are spent wandering around the city, sketching illustrations of random places, and conversing with strangers, just as I had envisioned. However, there’s no one there when I wake up. No one when I return home. There is no one to hold me at night. I don’t even recognize who I am without him, and it’s a painful realization.
I shouldn’t have signed the divorce papers. I shouldn’t have left him the rings. It felt so final, yet my decision makes no sense. I sabotaged our relationship. Kaz will never turn into my father. He’s nothing like the men I grew up surrounded by. I was looking for an excuse to run away, and I came up with the worst possible one. My heart knows what I need to do. It’s hard to convince my brain to be on board with it. I’ve tried to avoid reality by reading book after book, but nothing can distract me. I understand how much Kaz has given to make our marriage work. So much that he laid himself bare to me. I keep replaying the last night we’ve seen each other. There’s a knot in my chest, and my head pounds as I finally grasp that everything he said was meant to persuade me to stay. I refused to acknowledge it. I’m so stupid.
CHAPTER 82
Caelia
I have to return.
I can’t go back.
But I have to.
I had breakfast in bed, and now I’m watching a rom-com on Netflix. It’s not heartbreaking or dramatic, yet tears stream down my face for no apparent reason. Sometimes, the things we desire can bring us the most misery, but we often have to learn that the hard way. A knock on my door reverberates as if someone is about to break it down, their patience wearing thin. With a grunt, I get out of bed and go to the door, only to come face-to-face with the last person I expected to see.
“Kat?” I frown, stepping aside to let her in. “What are you doing here?”
She’s Kaz’s stepsister, but the resemblance is striking. She has dark hair, gray-blue eyes that can freeze one’s soul, and an air of nonchalance. My chest tightens.
“I like the vibe,” she remarks, pausing in the living room to look around. Her gaze eventually settles on me and takes in my disheveled appearance.
I’m wearing black leggings and a T-shirt I stole from Kaz before I left. It serves as a reminder of him as if I need any more reminders. I slept in it every night, hating that I’d had to wash it numerous times, erasing his scent from the fabric. My hair is messy, and my eyes are puffy from crying, but I can’t summon the energy to pull myself together.
“Thanks,” I reply, unsure. “Can I get you something to drink?”
I decide to be polite, although my brain can’t make sense of her presence in my flat.
“Bring a bottle of whatever alcohol you have,” she smirks. “We’re going to need it.”
“I only have wine.”
“That will do.”
I’m sure she’ll make herself comfortable even without me telling her. I grab the bottle of red wine and two glasses from the kitchen, not looking forward to whatever she has to say. I highly doubt this visit is Kaz’s way of asking me to return. He’s more inclined toward kidnapping.
“At least you’re as miserable as he is,” she smiles, waiting for me to pour wine into her glass.
“What?”
I’ve been gone for a couple of months, lying to myself and saying that Kaz has already found someone else.
“Look, I shouldn’t be here. Kaz will kill me if he ever finds out, but someone needs to knock some sense into you two.”
I’m too exhausted to pretend I don’t know what she’s saying.
“I’ll never see your brother again, so you don’t have to worry that I’ll tell him.”
This is the most painful truth I have ever had to say out loud.
“The hell you won’t,” she scoffs.
“How did you find out where I am?”
Kat removes her leather jacket and settles on the couch. This is an intervention, and she’s the only person who might care enough to do it.
“Kaz seemed off every time I talked to him, but he brushed it off, saying it was all business and I had nothing to worry about. But whenever I asked to speak with you, you were never around. That made me wonder,” she explains. “Vanya has been more cryptic than usual, and he knows how much I hate it when he’s like this.”