Page 127 of House of Lies
I can understand why Vanya’s attitude might annoy her. I’ve been there.
“You know I’m under the protection of the Aleksandrov family in New York,” she sighs. “So, I asked their older son for a favor, and trust me, God knows what this will cost me in the long run.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through all this trouble.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. Whatever Roman wants, I’m sure I can handle it. Anyway, I had to ask him to spy on my brother.” She laughs, and I join in.
She’s right. Kaz will be furious if he ever finds out about this. Shifting my legs underneath me, I take a sip of wine.
“You can imagine my reaction when he told me you’re not in Russia with Kaz. I had to call in another favor and ask him to find you. It took him a while to track you down. It would have been so much easier if I had your number.”
I never imagined she would go looking for me. Although we’ve spent some time together, we don’t know each other that well. Kaz is an integral part of her life, and she’s doing this for him, but it’s still hard to accept.
“I’ll save you the trouble and just give you my number.”
“You’d better. I’m here because I need to know what’s happening, Caelia. Did you leave my brother? What the hell happened?”
Vanya already knows about my agreement with Kaz. Revealing it to one more person won’t hurt anyone, and I’ve felt so alone in recent months. Kat’s unexpected presence here is a blessing in disguise.
“It’s a long and complicated story, Kat.”
“You’re stuck with me for the next few days since I’ve never been to Paris, and you’ll have to show me around. So, you’d better tell me everything.”
Kat already knows some bits and pieces from what I’ve shared about my marriage with Mattia, but I start at the beginning and tell her everything—about the confusion, the chaos, the heartbreak, the abuse, and the rape. I disclose my agreement with Kaz, and as I speak, I realize my feelings will never disappear, no matter how hard I try to keep them in check. It takes hours to cover it all, accompanied by another bottle of wine. Kat listens attentively, holding me in her arms as I cry and unravel. I keep only one thing to myself—I say nothing about that morning when Kaz lost control. I don’t want her to view her brother differently because of that.
“Fuck, Caelia. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“You couldn’t have known,” I assure her, sniffing. I take the last tissue from the box and blow my nose.
“First, my brother is a dickhead. He kept all this Mattia business a secret from me, and I understand why he did it, but he doesn’t always make the right decisions.”
Kat retrieves her purse from the floor and pulls out another pack of tissues.
“Thank you. I know why he couldn’t tell me the truth back then.”
“But he didn’t hold anything back after you agreed to return with him.” I raise an eyebrow. “Fine, agreed might not be the right word in this situation.” She laughs, revealing dimples.
“No, he didn’t,” I admit. “He gave me everything.”
“And you love him,” she states.
I nod, unable to articulate any words. Love is another wrong word. It doesn’t contain everything I feel for him.
“I’ve been contemplating going back,” I confess, “but I doubt he’ll want to see me. He must have moved on by now.”
”Trust me, I know my brother. He’ll never get over you. So, this is just an excuse you’re using to stay here and be miserable.”
Kat is as straightforward as her brother, and I can’t resent her for not holding anything back.
“This is my life now,” I mutter.
“It doesn’t have to be. Not if you want something else.”
I don’t exactly know when this stopped being what I wanted, but it’s time to face the truth. This is not the life I want, and I’ve overrated freedom.
“Being married to him won’t put you back in a cage.”
“I’ll have to apply for a visa.”