Page 128 of House of Lies
“No, you won’t.” She smirks. “We’ll call Vanya. He’ll help you get back.”
I burst into laughter. If I apply for one, I have a better chance of obtaining a visa and returning.
“He won’t.” I shake my head. “Vanya hates me.”
“He hates everyone. Let me handle him. We’ll have some fun, and then you’re returning to fix your marriage.”
“What if?—”
“No ‘what ifs,’” Kat interrupts me. “My brother adores you. Stop being two miserable fools.”
He may never forgive me for leaving, but I have to try. I need to prove I’m not the heartless person I allowed him to believe I am.
If giving him up is the price I must pay to have everything I thought I wanted, maybe I never had my priorities straight.
CHAPTER 83
Kaz
I’ve set her free, but I can’t completely let her go. I need to know everything. I receive notifications whenever Caelia uses my card. I’ve assigned someone to track her every step. She settled in Paris after traveling for a while, fulfilling her desire to see the world, and a couple of days ago, I received some photos of my sister and Caelia together in Paris. I can’t fathom what Kat is doing, but I don’t mind sharing my sister’s company with her.
“We can build it underground,” Dmitri suggests, but I haven’t noticed what’s happening. I lean against my desk, casting a glance over my shoulder at the map, but all I can see is her—Caelia—replaying every moment she was sprawled naked on my desk, panting with need, her flushed body etched in my mind.
“He’s not listening,” one of my men says.
He’s right. I’m not. I also don’t care about expanding my business right now. Vanya’s not here to save me from myself, as he has done in the past few months. He’s preoccupied with his affairs, trying to clean up the mess Sevastyan left behind.
“I’m listening,” I say. “Built the ring wherever you want. I don’t care.”
I need to take a walk to clear my head. I can’t continue like this. Caelia’s absence is driving me insane. My phone has been ringing incessantly, but I don’t want to talk to anyone. I’m only in this meeting because it has been postponed for far too long, and the construction plans will fall behind schedule.
“Maybe it would be best to call it a night, sir.”
“I think it would be best.” I agree. “Just take care of this, Dmitri. Come back to me when you have everything ready.”
Everything will crumble if I keep delegating my responsibilities to my employees, but at this point, they do a better job than I do. The office empties, leaving me alone. Caelia showed me the life I desired, only to take everything away. Perhaps it’s just karma for all the messed-up things I’ve done in my life. Maybe I deserve it. I turn off my phone for the night and ascend the stairs to sleep alone in the same bed we once shared for months. Standing before the window, I peer into the gloomy, quiet garden that feels incomplete without her. Sometimes, I see her—reading on a bench, strolling around as if she belongs here, as if this is her home. I must remind myself of who I was before her and of the person I was when I was doing just fine. There must be a way to return to that, and I know it’s not by marrying someone else, as my aunt suggested. She keeps babbling about alliances as if I care or need them. I never wanted to marry in the first place, and I certainly won’t do it again. I should focus on my legacy, on children, and all that crap that suddenly lost its importance in the blink of an eye.
I hear the door to my bedroom open, but I don’t turn around.
“Didn’t you learn how to fucking knock?”
“It felt weird knocking. This was once my bedroom, too,” a low, familiar voice replies.
I’m so broken that my mind is playing tricks on me, desperately trying to hold on to whatever shred of sanity I have left. She can’t be here.
We broke up, and I broke down.
CHAPTER 84
Caelia
Kat made me see things clearly. This is where I need to be and where I want to be. I won’t run again. I’ve made it this far. I had to plead with his security to let me in, and they only allowed it after thoroughly patting me down to ensure I wasn’t there to harm their boss, even though Vanya dropped me off. Kaz doesn’t reply. I close the door behind me, waiting anxiously. I found him in the same bedroom we once shared. Despite the many rooms in this house, he still sleeps there. He stands still for a moment, deliberately taking his time to turn around. I nervously bite my lower lip, anticipating his rejection. He looks at me as if he’s seen a ghost. The black suit he wears only makes his usually pale skin appear even paler. I don’t know how long I have before he realizes I have no valid reason to be here and asks me to leave. It’s probably not much time at all.
“I’m ... Kaz, I—” This is just as difficult as I imagined. He raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. My heart races in my chest. I can’t find the right words, but I must push through. “I have no lies left to give you, so I’m here to tell you my truth. I understand if you hate me and don’t want to hear any of this, but I must say it. I can’t move on until I do.”
I take a hesitant step closer but force myself to stop, fighting the urge to throw myself into his arms. I can’t decipher any emotion on his face. He keeps everything locked away, unwilling to be vulnerable around me again.
“I can’t give you a rational explanation for why I left. You’re the most dangerous man I know, not because of who you are but because of the power you’ve always held over me. I fell in love with you while you were still pretending to be Mattia, and all I did was fight against it. It made no sense. I’ve made countless mistakes, and I don’t think you’ll ever be able to forgive me. You are the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me. You didn’t love me in pieces; you loved me as a whole.” I take a deep breath, holding his gaze, which ignites a fire. “And it scared the hell out of me. I fucked up everything,” my voice breaks. “I thought we would end up like my parents, so I ran. I believed I could never be free and married to you simultaneously. I thought ... I don’t even know what I thought, Kaz.” I feel the need to sit down before my knees give out. He has never looked at me with such coldness in his eyes. “I destroyed us, and sometimes, when things break, they can’t be fixed. I understand this. We can never go back to the way things were, but I love you. I left my heart with you when I left. It’s the only thing I promised you would never possess.” Tears stain my cheeks, and my hands tremble. “I love you. It’s not the freedom I want. It’s you.”