Page 52 of House of Lies

I lean against the wall, my elbows resting on my knees. Caelia believes I abandoned her. Domenico told me she was angry. She refused to eat for a while but then changed her mind, realizing that starving herself was not the solution.

So many things went sideways recently. This situation with her, the attacks on Ermanno’s shipments. I need to return home soon, or who knows what might happen? Dmitri informed me that my uncle got into business with the Mexicans, and that won’t sit well with the Irish. I’m holding a meeting that Sevastyan knows nothing about to keep things under control until I can go back. I’m so close to putting an end to all this. Ermanno’s going to die tomorrow at his birthday party. Quite fitting. But there are too many loose ends. I have to speed up everything. Partly because of Caelia. Partly because I don’t trust anyone back home anymore.

I have been spending my nights here. Her nightmares returned and woke her up a couple of times, but in the darkness, her eyes never adjusted enough to see me standing here, watching, waiting for the moment when I would be able to tell her the truth about who I am and why I’m here—the truth about what she means to me. I will not leave New York without her. I will chain her to myself if I have to.

She will hate me. She will want to kill me. But at least she will get to live.

Tomorrow is the day Ermanno and Ludovic will die. Mattia will follow shortly after. But she has no place in that family of hers. Her mother treats her like shit. Her father barely acknowledges her. The only person standing by her side is her sister, but I doubt she will prioritize Caelia over her family if push comes to shove.

I’m always gone before she wakes up.

There are no more words to be exchanged between us. I see that now.

I will have to take what I want forcefully.

And what I want is her.

Standing up, I approach the bed. Caelia is curled close to the edge, her hand resting under her head. Closing my eyes, I gently caress her arm with my fingertips. Her skin is as soft as I remember; her scent is intoxicating. Her eyes open slowly, wide, and scared.

“Mattia?” Her voice is groggy with sleep. It takes her a moment to comprehend what’s happening. “What are you doing here?”

“Domenico passed on your message,” I say, sitting at the edge of the bed.

She sits up, not making any move to run away from me.

“What message?” She rubs her eyes.

“To go fuck myself,” I remind her.

“Oh, that. Yes, I might have said that. And you’re here to ... what? To remind me I’m your property? Fuck me like a whore again?”

Fuck. About that. I now see how I have fucked up. I have to deal with the consequences of my actions because I hadn’t thought too long before acting. I should ask for her forgiveness, but I know she has none to give. I should apologize, but I know it won’t make any difference.

“Is that what you want?”

“What I want is irrelevant.”

No, it was never irrelevant to me. But I can’t tell her I’m not him, even though I played the part quite well at some point. I have spent so much time trapped inside his head, always asking myself what Mattia would do, that I’ve lost parts of myself. I messed up. I should have considered what Domenico said. She cared enough for me to want to go back and make sure I was okay after hearing the gunshots. I doubt that’s still the case.

“I’m not here to fight with you, Wildfire.”

I’m here because I’m so fucking tired of it all. The lies, the secrets, the revenge. All I want is to go back home, back to my business, back to where everything is familiar, where I don’t have to look over my shoulder every second.

“What are you here for? Do you want me to strip and get down on my knees?”

“Yes.”

Silence. I will teach her one day to think before she speaks. The fire inside her is very amusing, but tonight is not the night to challenge me. Every action or word she utters has consequences. One day, I’m going to teach her that.

“What?” Her voice breaks.

“Do it,” I demand. “Strip and get down on your knees.”

“No.”

“You can do it willingly, or I can make you.”

I didn’t come here to fuck her. She learned nothing from the last time. She keeps fighting me every step of the way.