Page 51 of House of Lies

“I stopped being surprised a long time ago.”

“Do you love him?” Domenico asks. It’s a strange question.

Not as strange as the answer. I can’t just offer a straightforward denial. It has become complicated over the past few months. There were moments when I felt something for him. I refuse to untangle those feelings and face them for what they truly are. I’m afraid the answer will terrify me. I remember thinking I might fall in love with him, but I try to erase that memory. Yet, I can’t escape the fact that I miss him. I miss the parts of him that aren’t a monster. I miss that man.

“No,” I lie anyway.

“You were willing to risk your life and go back inside the house for him,” he says, reminding me of the most monumental screw-up in my judgment.

“That was before,” I whisper.

You’re my property, Caelia. You belong to me.

I don’t need your heart to break you.

Do you want to be fucked like a whore? I’ll fuck you like a whore.

I refuse to drown in self-pity. I’m strong enough to survive this, even if it doesn’t feel that way now. I have done it before. Nothing is different now.

“You’re wrong, you know,” Domenico says, sitting at the table. “Do you need any help with those?”

“No, thank you. Wrong about what?”

“That he doesn’t care if you live or die.”

“He certainly has a strange way of showing it.”

Do I care if he lives or dies? Once again, it’s not a simple answer. I want to see him dead, but if I had the chance, I would keep him. I would keep the man he showed me he could be.

“It’s his father’s birthday at the end of the week. There will be a party, and he wants you to attend.”

“Tell him to go fuck himself when you see him.”

“What do you have to gain from fighting him every step of the way?”

The knife slips from my hand, and I feel the sting of the cut as I watch the blood drip onto what was meant to be my dinner. Strangely enough, I feel nothing.

“This is what I get,” I scoff, turning toward the sink. I turn on the water, cleaning my finger. “All of this, Dom. Captivity.”

“Exactly my point,” I hear him mumble.

“You don’t know what he did to me, so don’t pretend to understand. We’ll never walk in each other’s shoes.” I wrap a clean towel around my finger, hoping to stop the bleeding.

We can still fix this, Wildfire.

My mind keeps returning to the words he said right before he abused me again. I’ll never find out if he meant it. If things could have differed from how they are now. I will drive myself crazy. Deep down, I know he meant it. He wanted to fix things between us. To talk about it. I ruined it, and I only have myself to blame.

“I’m not hungry after all,” I say, leaving the kitchen.

Domenico won’t let it go. Later, he would knock on my door with food, trying to convince me to eat something. I don’t know why he bothers. Why does he care? But Mattia must have threatened him with something if I were to die.

I try to see this as an opportunity. Mattia wants me to accompany him to the party.

This might be my only chance at freedom.

CHAPTER 31

Kaz