Page 91 of House of Lies
“I see. You still don’t like me,” she adds when Vanya fails to reply. He ignores her, puts his headphones on, and sits on the other couch. “Fine, have it your way,” she mumbles. “What’s going on?”
I’ve promised I won’t lie to her again, and I’m sure I can at least keep this promise.
“Fiona has been kidnapped. We think it was Sevastyan, but we don’t know if he’s in New York or hiding somewhere in Russia. We were trying to figure out what our next move would be.” At least, this is what we were talking about before Vanya insisted on reminding me how stupid he thought this plan was.
“Your mom has been kidnapped.” I nod. “Why are you so calm about this?”
“I’m not sure I care enough about Fiona to bother saving her. I let her go in the end. Maybe trying to keep her confined would have been safer, but I didn’t care enough. Would you if it were yours instead?”
I know how she feels about her mom.
“It’s not the same,” she says, avoiding giving me an answer.
“Aren’t they both mothers in name only?”
“Maybe you still have a chance of having something I never did. My mom hates me, Kaz. Nothing will ever be good enough for her. She most likely smiled when she heard I was dead.”
“She’ll always choose Mattia.”
“Nothing I’ll say will make you change your mind. Just make sure that whatever you decide, you won’t lose sleep over it.”
“Are you saying that I should try to save her?”
“I’m saying that if you decide not to, make sure you’re at peace with this decision. That you won’t drive yourself crazy by asking what you could have done differently.”
“I’ll have Dmitri look into this, but I won’t return. It’s not safe for you.”
“It’s your mom. You can’t possibly think my life is worth more than hers.”
I laugh. Caelia gets distracted, as she often does, staring at my dimples.
“I’m going to say this once, and you’ll listen. Your life is worth more to me than anyone else’s. I will not put you in danger. I will not go back to save a woman who doesn’t give a shit about me so that I can be the bigger person. You’re my priority.”
Caelia will realize one of these days that I’m not kidding. It’s not a joke for me. I hope I’ll devise a plan to make her stay after the time’s up. A plan that doesn’t include pregnancy. I need her for myself for at least another ten years. I won’t share her time with anyone else. I’m a selfish bastard like that.
“What’s the plan when we land?” She shifts uncomfortably, changing the subject.
“Vanya will take you to my house. I need to see Dedushka and catch him up on everything that’s been going on.”
“Dedushka?”
“My grandpa, Grigoriy. He won’t like a single thing about any of this.”
I will never hear the end of this. I realize what a stupid plan this has been to keep everything hidden from him. I let Sevastyan play me, and now I’ll have to deal with the consequences, hoping he won’t try to remove me.
“Do I need to go with Vanya? He hates me.”
I watch my cousin, but his eyes are closed and he is not moving a muscle. That doesn’t mean that he’s not listening to our conversation. I know him all too well. He can break inside, and he won’t even blink. He’s worse than me, only showing others the emotions he wants them to see.
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s pissed that I left Russia to look for you. We knew there was a hit with my name on it, and I didn’t care. I should’ve, but I didn’t think anyone was crazy enough to open fire at the hospital.”
A mistake I will not make again.
“He’s right to be pissed. You should’ve stayed home.” There’s no bite in her remark. It sounds like she’s just as unhappy as Vanya for precisely the same reasons: I refused to hide, aware of what was coming after me. “How’s your shoulder?”
It’s the first time she’s shown any concern. Is this what I’ve signed up for? Feelings, concerns, and truths for the next six months? Or is she just great at pretending?
“It’s sore.”