Page 54 of Sinister
“No fucking idea. I heard it somewhere and thought it was relevant to this conversation.” She shrugs and grabs my hand. “Mama Sass has some wisdom for you. Allow yourself to feel these feelings, no matter how messed up you think they are. They’re your right to feel. Whether you want to cut his dick off for what he did or you want to suck it and thank him for unlocking a part of you that no one would have touched on. You are allowed to feel how you feel, it’s not wrong and it’s definitely not fucked up.” She squeezes my hand.
“You always know the right things to say in the most unconventional way.”
“I got you, baby.”
Sipping my coffee and mulling over her words, I come to the conclusion that I need to accept my thoughts and messed up ideas and bury them inside me. Like I’ve buried the thought of ever finding out who my parent’s killer is.
“Did I tell you, this stalker guy left me a note tied to a charred rose made of cards from a deck?” I shovel another bite of cake into my mouth.
“Excuse me, he what?” Sass’s eyes grow large as she stares at me.
“The other night on my way to meet the guys for pre-dinner drinks. It scared the shit out of me.” A shiver crawls down my spine at the memory of that narrow road.
“What the fuck. He followed you here? Babe, I think you need to report this to someone.” She looks concerned.
“I don’t know. I just want to pretend it’s not happening. All the guys in the house are aware, they went looking for him, but he was long gone.”
“This is next level creepy as fuck. You’re moving in with me and I’m not leaving your side.” She grabs my hand again.
“I wish. But I’m a Vitiello and we stay in the Spades house.” I roll my eyes at the stupidity of it all.
“Babe, I’m genuinely worried here.”
“Don’t be. It’s okay, he’s probably just messing with me now and will go find someone else to stalk soon enough.” A small part of me still craves the thrill of him watching me and wanting me.
“Those boys better be fucking watching over you, or God fucking help them.” Sass drinks a sip of her coffee and watches me as I chew on some more cake.
“The whole house is, except Queen Charlotte.”
“Is she still being a stuck-up cow?”
“She’s got issues with me. I think she thinks I’m trying to take her position and I don’t know how to convince her otherwise.”
“She’s salty because those boys aren’t touching her.” Sass cocks her perfect eyebrow.
“I know.” I say, my voice changing tone.
“How do you know this?”
“Chaser told me. He caught on that I was jealous of Sin fucking her.”
“Interesting isn’t it? And I’m actually surprised.” She scoops up another piece of cake.
“So am I, honestly.”
“Don’t lie, you’re fucking relieved.” Sass teases me.
“Shut up.” I throw a piece of cake at her.
“I can see it on your face. Knowing they haven’t fucked her is making your little heart do a happy dance. Admit it.”
“Yes, I’m relieved,” I sip my coffee and hope she changes the subject.
“When are you going to tell Chaser you want his dick too?”
“Saskia!”
“How many times do we need to have this conversation? Those boys are happy to share you between them.”