Page 25 of The Lucky One
“What did he talk to Mom about?” I asked Emily, who bit the inside of her cheek. I took a cooling breath. I hated that I made her this anxious.
“Um, he wanted to apologize for what happened back then. He’s supposed to clear the air with everyone he’s hurt. It’s part of the steps to—”
I slammed the car door. “Oh, and I don’t deserve an apology?!” I stormed over to her, my hands trembling with anger. It was me who’d found him, literally dying in my arms. It was me who’d risked getting on Marna’s shit list to save him.
“You definitely do,” Emily said, her voice wavering, “But Jon has to follow rules now, and he needs to be home, and—”
“Stop with the excuses!”
She took a step back, wrapping her arms around herself like a protective shield, and I softened my tone. “Are you... afraid I’m going to hurt you?”
Her gaze was at the ground, no response.
I paced in a circle, pulling at the roots of my hair, then stopped. “Seriously?!”
“I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose, but I heard...” She stumbled over her words, not looking me in the eyes. “You got a lot of posters on the walls.”
My eyes widened in pure shock. She knew. She had been in my room, seen the posters. But she hadn’t cared to talk to me about it.
“I would never hurt you!” My frustration dissolved into pain, making the world spin around me. I fucking loved her. I would never dare hurt her. “Fuck!”
“I...” She gazed up at the sky with a shimmer in her eyes. “I already caused so much trouble in your life. I thought it would be best if I stayed out of it.”
“Stay out of it?!” I aimed a hard kick at a tire and let out a gasp as I realized I had done it with my injured foot.
“Paul, your foot!” Emily stepped toward me and grasped my arm. That familiar urge to hold her burned in me. Her touch was so delicate and warm, I wanted more of it.
I growled under my breath. It had been so many weeks, and still that little gesture made me want to fight for her love all over again. The colors around me were fading. I planted my elbows on the car window and let my head sink in my hands. “You know as well as I do that I should be at the top of Jon’s list for amends...” My voice was only a whisper. I turned around, as calm as I could.
“Please, whatever is going on between you two, don’t pull me into it,” she said, a single tear rolling down her face. I wanted to wipe it away, but fuck, knowing what she thought about me now, she would probably flinch if I tried.
I took a deep breath. Letting her avoid me wasn’t the solution. I couldn’t give up yet. “Can we... um, hang out?” I asked, a desperate last resort. Emily’s eyes widened but she didn’t say anything. “Since Jon got back you’ve been avoiding me even more than before. I don’t want us to be strangers, Emi. What I said at the dinner table—I didn’t mean it. I need you in my life.”
She swallowed and looked down. “I don’t think us spending time together is a good idea.”
My chest ached so hard, I felt like she’d taken a rusty knife and twisted it between my ribs. Emily was afraid of me, didn’t want to spend time with me...
I turned back to the car. I couldn’t stand going inside now and pretending to my parents that I wasn’t falling apart. To this day I’d hoped that when Jon came home he’d tell Emily that it was a misunderstanding, that she was just a fling, a point to prove he could have what I had. That he felt remorse for what he’d put me through. But when I saw them holding each other, all that hope turned to dust. And I wasn’t sure if I was relieved that he hadn’t hurt her or sad that this was my bitter future: living with my ex-girlfriend, who was dating my best friend. I jumped back in the car and drove away.
I found myself aimlessly cruising the streets, unsure of where to go or what to do. Going to Brandon’s place was out of the question. He was too wrapped up in his lovey-dovey phase with Hannah. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but today I couldn’t stand hearing all about how happy he was. As I pondered my next move I hung a sudden left, and to my surprise, a black van behind me followed suit, matching pace. I squinted at the rearview mirror, but by now it was dark out, and I couldn’t make out the driver. My grip on the wheel tightened, and the competitive spirit in me emerged. “You want a race? I’ll give you a race. I drove on the freaking autobahn in Germany, damn it!”
I pressed down the gas and the engine roared. The roads were empty, illuminated only by the orange glow of streetlights. I hooked one turn after another, blazing through the ’burbs without a destination in mind.
In the rearview mirror, the headlights of the black van were blinding. They were clearly tailing me. Suddenly spooked, I decided to head for more traffic-filled streets. My best chance of losing them was to put other cars between us.
I drove with intense focus, navigating through town until I reached a busy road with a string of headlights. The light at the next intersection ahead was green. I wove through three cars, putting more distance between us. Yellow. I pressed my foot to the floor of my old-as-fuck Fiat, urging it faster. “C’mon, you old shitbox, show me what you’ve got!” Lucas’s car in Germany was more exciting to drive but my trusty old car was worth its salt.
I flew across the intersection as the light went red. They’d lost me. I’d won the race. “Fuck!” I yelled, slapping the armrest.
I drove for a few more minutes, thoughts and heart racing, and tucked into a nearby familiar neighborhood. I didn’t want to be alone anymore.
It was one of those fancy houses with a wraparound balcony and a meticulously landscaped garden...
Turning to check that no one had followed me, I parked in front of the house and stepped out, catching my breath. White ornamental pebbles lined the drive. I grabbed one and flung it at the window I was ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure was hers.
A light turned on and a shadow appeared behind white curtains. I let out a breath of relief.
The balcony door opened. “Paul? What are you doing here?”