Page 81 of The Lucky One
The next day in Algebra, I shifted nervously in my seat, anxious about my upcoming test results. Mr. Lane finally handed me my sheet. “You’re back on it, Ms. Moore,” he said proudly. An A+ smiled at me at the top.
Turning around to show Paul, though, I was met with an empty seat. Suddenly, my accomplishment felt less exciting. What was the point? I didn’t even know if I’d get into Yale after all.
As I walked through the halls after class, I tried to tune out my surroundings—friends chatting about their weekends, couples making out... Some, like me, looking lost. I walked past Jon and Emily at her locker, beaming at each other. Jon planted kisses all over her cheeks and she grinned like she’d won the lottery. Seeing them like that made me—happy? A new feeling.
Yet being lonely by choice was something I disliked more with every passing day.
Aiden walked up to me. “What’s up, K?” he said, and I was thankful to not be standing on my own anymore.
“Hi. Not much, what about you?” I leaned in for a quick hug. We hadn’t hung out in forever. I missed the way he made me laugh.
“We went to the lake last week. I thought you were coming too?” He threw me a big goofy smile like he’d had the time of his life.
“Um, I wanted to, but I had to do this volunteering thing at the animal shelter.”
“Aren’t college applications over?”
“I’m on the waitlist for Yale, and I’m sending them my final grades and activities soon.”
His chin dropped. “That’s possible?”
“I don’t know, but it’s worth a try.”
I barely believed it myself now. I was desperate, denying the facts. I didn’t know how much longer I could do that. And ugh, I hated that I’d missed the first lake outing of the year.
At cheerleading practice, I felt like I was underwater. Everything seemed meaningless and numb. I followed Jamie’s orders, missing some of the first beats, tripping when I saw him across the field at football practice.
“Kiki!” Jamie yelled. “I told you he means trouble. Why aren’t you listening to me?”
Finally, I came up for air. What was I doing here, wasting my time with cheerleading when it gave me nothing anymore?
I stalked up to her. “Can you stop talking about this in front of everyone? Have some respect!”
Jamie went quiet as I picked up my water bottle and turned on my heel. “Where are you going?” she called after me.
“I’m quitting cheerleading.” I could use this time for more important things instead.
I expected her to protest but she let me stride straight to Paul. I tapped him on the shoulder, hard. He turned around, still laughing at something Brandon was saying.
“Where were you in Algebra?” I shouted the moment he looked at me. He flinched, glancing around at the boys, then pulled me aside. “I thought your studies were important to you now,” I said. “Why did you skip?”
I wasn’t even sure why I was so mad at him for it. I just felt this rage thumping through my veins.
“Kiki, I didn’t skip on purpose. I was talking to my therapist about my... anger issues.”
“Oh,” I gasped, the anger replaced by shame. “You’ve been seeing someone?”
“Since today, yeah,” he said, worry scattering in his eyes. “Are you okay? You seem... stressed.”
I let out a long, shaky breath. “Yeah, just... I don’t know.”
I turned and walked away. Just walked and didn’t look back.
There was no guarantee I would get into Yale. I had missed going to the lake, I had dropped the cheerleading team. These were my last few weeks of high school, and Paul was doing exactly what I asked him to.
Yet I was shattered that he wasn’t running after me.
I couldn’t fall asleep that night. No matter how much I tossed and turned to find the perfect position, my mind was on overdrive. It was the first time that a guy other than Jon occupied my thoughts. I didn’t know how to handle it. With Jon, I knew whenever one of us pushed the other away, it was only a matter of time until he came up and apologized. With Paul, it was different. He respected my wishes, gave me space when I asked for it.