Page 10 of The Backup Plan

Paging @CameronPorter. Saw your presser and you nailed it, my man. You looked good, sounded good. My media crew would love me for that.

I get my hand slapped for sounding “mumbly,” whatever that means.

Ethan

for whoever hasn’t seen it. Well done, Cam. You looked like a natural.

Cameron

That was not natural. Those are not my clothes and not my hat. That’s not even my voice.

But SHELBY thinks regional accents are hard for our audience to understand.

Ethan, how do you survive among my people?

Ethan

I love Knoxville. Y’all so much nicer here than up yonder with the Yankees.

Cameron

You really shouldn’t go up yonder. You can go yonder, down yonder, or over yonder. Up yonder pretty much means you’re dead, or in northern Michigan.

Everyone thinks they’re cute when they fake the accent.

Marshall

That’s the story of our lives, man. Everyone thinks they can throw a ball until they try to. Everyone can read a defense until they’re getting the bear hug. There’s a reason no one has “armchair running backs.”

Cameron

Are your P.R. teams nice?

Marshall

Demanding.

Ethan

Particular.

Cory

Mine are super chill.

Cameron

I had a friend work on questions with me while the rest of the crew went on about how my pants fit. I probably could have yelled “Roll Tide” and the crew chief would only be concerned I didn’t strain the seams on these tight shirts she likes.

Also, what planet am I on that all-white Dunks are not okay? I have navy and gold ones on order now.

Ethan

That’s a little intense.

Hayden

Women fawning over how your pants fit? Enjoy that shit. And the shoes. I should see if they come in my colors.