Page 121 of The Backup Plan
“I appreciate that you and Isaac and Justin could have just let this fade away and I might never have known, and you chose to tell me anyway. Was that the plan? To just let it fade away?”
She nodded stiffly. “But when Gia said all that stuff, I thought it was just wrong to keep it from you. Anyone else can think what they want, but you should know the whole truth.”
“I’m not mad at you. I’m not mad at him. I’m… I’m confused as hell. I don’t know. If I’d just talked to you like a normal person when we first met, none of this would have happened.”
“If I had an ounce of patience or faith in either of us, I would have just waited until you were comfortable, but I had to bulldoze everything. It’s my fault, Cam, and I’m so sorry.”
“But you were right about how hurt I was feeling. You obviously thought I was worth some trouble to break down those walls.”
“Justin said I had good motives and a shitty method.”
“You’re an intense person with a lot of energy and passion for the things that matter to you. Maybe that’s what people mean if they say you’re ‘too much.’ But I love that about you, because you are so unabashedly yourself, and I never want you to feel you need to hide that from me again.”
“Cameron.”
“If you really thought I’d break up with you because of this, why did you tell me? Did you want that?”
“No.” She grabbed his thigh and shook it. “No no no, not at all.”
“Then I think deep down you already knew what I just said. This doesn’t break us.” He turned her face to his for a kiss. “A lot has changed in a short time. We’re not the same people we were when I was a crabby asshole and you wanted to jump me in the lounge anyway.”
“I never said?—”
“Whatever. You wanted to.”
Her voice wobbled. “Fine. I wanted to.”
“I wanted you, too,” he whispered. “I wanted to know everything about you when I saw you staring at my sketch, and that’s not normal for me, either. I don’t jump into getting to know someone, and I definitely don’t tell anyone all about my life. No one else in this state knows about my brother.”
He swiped an unspent tear from the corner of her eye. “I appreciate that you didn’t flirt with me. I know that must have been torture”—he tickled her ribs—“but you played it clean. I was miserable thinking you were with someone else, but maybe I deserved a wake-up call for how rude I’d been to you.”
“If I’d known you were miserable, I would have ended the fake thing. I didn’t want to make you upset or jealous. I just wanted you to talk to me.”
“And we talked, and I fell hard for you. It’s okay. We’re okay.”
He willed peace into her body, although his heart was still racing. Tucked safely in his arms, she felt fragile, her bones as light as a bird’s. She squeezed his hand and didn’t open her eyes.
THIRTY-SIX
A Little Much
AVERY
Avery’s pulse pounded in her temples, and the shade on her window did little to block out the painful glare of the mid-morning sun. Cam dropped her off before he went to the fitness center at nine, and for the first time since she met him, she was glad to see him leave.
She burrowed under her covers and tried not to wake Natasha, who grumbled at the disturbance when Avery came in and went back to sleep. What she wouldn’t give for a good girl friend to listen and tell her she wasn’t a fool who ruined everything by running her mouth. Not a mentor or teacher, though Mindy was a confidant. She wanted a friend her own age who understood her the way Cam usually did, so it didn’t have to be all on him to make her happy. She wanted Justin to tell her gently that Cameron always meant exactly what he said, and if he said he wasn’t mad, then he wasn’t.
She wanted, she needed, need, need, need. It sucked the life from her friendships and the recesses of her soul where the hurt of so much abandonment was scraped raw every day by the losses she couldn’t blame on herself. Isaac was gone, and she hardly knew which direction to reach for Justin anymore.
Avery
Can we get lunch?
Justin
I’m fine, thanks for asking.
Avery