Page 116 of Misted

Tears burn my eyelids the more he doesn’t acknowledge me.

He erased me.

I ruined everything by telling him the truth. Why couldn’t I keep my damn mouth shut?

“Hawk?”

He shoves me away, continuing his frantic search in the sand.

“Please look at me.” I croak, rubbing my arm. I’m stuffed in my own skin and it’s like that loss is repeating all over again.

If I lose him once and for all, what will I have left?

Hawk stops fumbling in the sand but doesn’t turn around. His back muscles are about to snap with tension. “I can’t.”

“What?”

“I can’t look at you unless I kill Hades and Dr Sloane and every fucker who hurt you.”

“Hawk…” I run in front of him. His jaw clenches as he glances in the opposite direction, avoiding my gaze.

I palm both his cheeks and make him look at me. Rage and hurt swirl in the dark oceans of his eyes.

And guilt. Heart-wrenching guilt.

“Let me go.” His voice is strained. Everything is strained. “I’ll make them pay.”

I shake my head. “Hades won’t hesitate to kill you.”

“I don’t fucking care. I’ve been dead for fifteen years.”

“Then what had I sacrificed everything for?” I let go of his cheek and hit his chest. “What had I risked all your anger and hatred for? Are you telling me I lost you and our child for nothing?”

He pulls at his hair so hard, I’m scared it’ll rip. “Do you want me to tell you fucking bravo for hiding everything from me? You want me to thank you for saving my life in exchange for breaking us apart for fucking good? You want me to thank you for letting me believe you killed our child when you were suffering the loss on your fucking own?”

I sniffle, lowering my gaze. “I just want you to hug me and tell me you’re there for me. That’s all I dreamt about since I lost our future.”

A guttural roar rips from the back of his throat as he shoots all his bullets at the horizon. The gunshot slice through the silent morning like angry, swiping explosions. I stand there as his huge bulk ripples with tension and every muscle in his torso and shoulders nearly burst. His beautiful face crowds with a galaxy of gloomy emotions.

He’s breaking down while standing.

Hurt, enraged, and confused doesn’t begin to describe his state.

I don’t know what it feels like to be in his shoes. I had years to come to terms with the loss, and although I never will, I had the privilege of time.

Hawk is living the pain from start to finish in such a short time, and it must be tearing him apart.

Still facing away, he asks. “What about the texts?”

I swallow the thick emotions clogging the back of my mouth. “When Hades shot you in the back, I planned to tell you everything and attempt to escape together. But the text came along. They said they knew you killed Nero and described what happened that day in gruesome, accurate details that only you and I witnessed. They said if I didn’t stay away from you, a mere shot to the back is only a game. Next time, they’d get you killed by giving evidence about Nero’s murder to Hades.”

He slowly faces me, sorrow eating at his handsome features. I can see the light disappearing from his azure eyes and it kills me to watch it wither away. “You should’ve let me die.”

I lunge at him and wrestle him to the sand. He doesn’t fight me as his back hits the sand and I’m on top of him, hitting his shoulder over and over again. “Fuck you!”

Hit. Hit. Hit.

He lets me punch him without interrupting me. I can kill him right now and it seems he wouldn’t stop me.