Page 117 of Misted

“I regret a lot of things.” I finally stop, my chest rising and falling with chaotic breaths. “I regret leaving my gun in the bathroom that day. If I didn’t, I would’ve shot Nero myself and I wouldn’t have slowed you down. The guards wouldn’t have caught us. We would’ve escaped.”

“Hellion…”

I cover his mouth with my palm and continue blurting, “I regret not taking your advice about strengthening my arms. If I did, I would’ve pushed him off and killed him. I wouldn’t have slowed you down and we would’ve escaped. I regret not insisting we left earlier. I regret not having my knife that day. I regret lots of things, but saving you isn’t one of them, you fucking idiot. I’d hurt you and gut myself to keep you alive. Do you hear me? If I get to repeat, I’ll choose you. I’ll always fucking choose you.”

Tears stream down my cheeks and onto his face. Hawk reaches a hand and wipes them away. I whimper as I lean into his strong, soothing hand. He sits up and wraps me in his strong, comforting arms.

The single, low, and tortured word that he speaks flips my world upside down.

“Hug?”

I’m done for. Just done.

A sob tears from deep with my soul. My chest quakes and everything inside me crumble into million pieces.

I’ve been holding it in for so long and it’s finally time to let it all go.

Hawk and I had a dream that shattered to bloody fragments right in front of our eyes. That dream dripped down my legs and I couldn’t stop it from leaving my body.

I didn’t properly grieve our child and every child we’ll never have because I had to stay strong and fight for Hawk and me.

But now, as he hugs me, his breathing deepening and his face burying in my neck, I can finally grieve.

Because the only other person who can feel the loss is grieving with me.