Page 111 of Raven's Dawn

“You always were.”

He shoved my shoulder, and I shoved his, and we laughed. It was so relaxing, until it ended. Then we stared at the flames in the fire for a few heartbeats.

Eventually, I cleared my throat. “Hey, I wanted to apologize about the other day. When we were back at Makora.”

“What are you apologizing for?” he asked. “You agreed with me. If anything, you should apologize to Rain.”

True. But… “I did. We talked about it, and we’re fine. Things were just kind of tense with us afterward. The next day, I mean. When we left, and you stayed?”

“That was about me and Rain.” Frowning, he shook his head. “I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry if you thought I was. And I’m sorry if I’ve made things difficult for you and Rain lately.”

“I think it’s been an adjustment for everybody.” With a smile, I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “But I’m happy to have you back, mate. The last few weeks have been chaos, and I haven’t really gotten to spend as much time with you as I wanted, but I hope you know how happy I am that you’re home.”

He smiled, but it was a little sad. “It’s alright. I’m just still trying to figure out where I fit in here.”

“Where you always have. Right here with me.” I hugged him a bit tighter, grinning.

Jake laughed, watching the flames in the fire. “Look, I wanted to be honest with you about something.”

“What’s that?”

“I know you saw me talking to Rain earlier. She probably told you already.”

We had been a little busy fucking to talk about much of anything.

“No, she didn’t,” I said. “Maybe she wanted to protect your privacy or something.”

“Maybe.” A barren, almost sad smile. “I, uh… I think maybe I’ve been kind of a dick to Warren and Ezra because I’m a little jealous of them?” Heat rose to his cheeks. “You guys are so close. All of you. And I’m happy for you guys. I really am, but I think I just feel a little left out. And I’m probably not handling it in the most mature way. But like I told Rain earlier, I know I’m not all that mature. Not compared to you guys. I’m working on that, but I don’t know what my point here is. There’s not really anything you can do about how I feel, but maybe it’s a good explanation for why I’ve been the way I have been?”

Aww. Well, now I felt bad.

I hugged him a little tighter. “There are a million explanations for how you feel and the way you’ve been. You went through something really shitty. And, yeah, I’ve grown a lot while you were in purgatory, but you’re still my best friend. You’ll always be my best friend.”

A quiet chuckle escaped him. Still tucked beneath my arm, his eyes turned to mine. He wasn’t crying, but they were glistening with something. Grief, maybe? Shame? Certainly not jealousy. “Rain’s your best friend now.”

“You both are,” I said. “I’m with her, but I love you just as much as I always have, Jake.”

That look in his eyes, the difficult one to describe, burned brighter. There was so much warmth. Just as there was in Rain’s. She always said that she hated her brown eyes, that they were boring. I didn’t think so. I found them inviting, and comforting, and warm. She always said that she loved mine, then Warren’s, because they were bright and colorful. But I found Warren’s cold. They weren’t nearly as warm as Rain’s or Jake’s.

“Not the same way, though, right?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

I didn’t have another moment to process.

He may have moved slowly, but it didn’t compute. Even when his face was only an inch or two from mine, I didn’t realize what he was doing. I didn’t realize what was happening.

Not until his lips were on mine.

Even then, it took a heartbeat longer than it should have for me to pull away.

It wasn’t because I enjoyed it, or because I was attracted to him. It was because, in that single instant, all the dots connected.

When we were young, and I kissed her for the first time, and he walked in on it. When he was so angry. When he said that she was too young for me. When he said that I couldn’t date her because I was his friend. When he said that it would ruin us. When he said that I would lose them both, forever, if I did.

This was why.

He wasn’t angry at me for kissing his sister. She wasn’t too young for me. It had nothing to do with the fact that we were friends.