Page 46 of Raven's Dawn
“It’s exactly that.” His green eyes glowed. I said nothing. He shut them, exhaling slowly. When they reopened, the light had burned out. “I love you, mate. Next to Rain, you’re my best friend. But you don’t understand because you’ve never had to live like this. Not even the wars, but the privilege.
“You had it all. And I know you suffered because of your sexuality, but you always had money. You were always able to get whatever you wanted, however you wanted, whenever you wanted, because you had an abundance of the thing everybody wants and needs to exist there. You’re going to have to get over yourself here. It sucks, but instead of getting your pants in a bunch about it, you have to learn to do what we all have done. Suck it up.”
This time, I was a bit annoyed, so I did correct it. “Panties. Not pants.”
He glared.
“Sorry,” I said under my breath. “It’s not that I don’t understand. I agree, even. But I can live without all the comforts I love. I just… It’s different when the people I love are involved.”
“You don’t think I understand that?” Head cocked to the side, he huffed. “After my pa died, my mum didn’t know what else to do. Where I lived, there were attacks every day. Not to mention the attacks I faced because of what I am.”
I was familiar with Graham’s history, and with how elite Fae were treated here. The reminder was unnecessary, and I still didn’t see the point he was making.
“She spent years figuring out how to leave. How to give me a better life. She wasn’t worried about herself. All that mattered was giving me better. Keeping me from ending up here.” He jammed a finger toward the ground in gesture to this world. “From fighting this bullshit war that I didn’t start. From dying the way my father had for people who hated me.
“And then, we were only a few days from making it. We were so close to getting to Earth. And Angels attacked our carriage. We ran. Through a big open field, where we were easy targets, and arrows were flying, and I was holding her hand, and then she fell. One hit her. Killed her.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “And I stopped. I thought I could heal her. But the arrows were flying, and she took her last breath, and a little girl grabbed my hand. Said my mum wouldn’t have wanted me to die with her. So I got the fuck up, and I ran, and I hated myself for it, but it was my only option, Warren.
“That’s how I learned this lesson. Believe me, that’s not how I want you to learn it. I’d much rather you accept it the easy way. But one way or another, you’re gonna have to. It’ll be easier on both of us if you do so now.”
The sick feeling had moved from my stomach into my chest. I thought I understood, before. Now I only understood that I couldn’t understand.
No, the stakes in my life had never been as high as they were now. Yes, I was incredibly privileged. No, I didn’t want to learn the hard way, either.
“I didn’t…” I began, shaking my head. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he said. “I appreciate the condolences and all, but all that shite made me. No one should have to suffer, but when we do, we learn from it. And hopefully can teach others from it.”
“I’m just struggling to grasp how.” Licking my lips, I scratched my head. “I don’t know how to detach when it’s all so personal. Everyone I care about is here, and when their lives are on the line…”
“How did you do it when you fought like Jeremy taught you to? Putting everything you were feeling into your enemy?”
“I don’t know. I just… stopped thinking.”
“Then when it’s over, when you can finally breathe, when you start coming back to reality, just stop for a second.” He shrugged. “Hold your breath while you fight, and breathe when it’s over.”
Licking my teeth, a quiet laugh escaped me.
Graham returned it. “What? What’s so funny?”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you and Jeremy were working together.”
“Well, we are.”
“No, I mean to gang up on me.”
“I don’t see anyone ganging up on you.”
“I meant that you guys said the exact same things. That’s all.”
Sitting up straighter, he smiled. “See? I know what I’m talking about. Even the gods agree with me.”
I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to look at the two of them as gods. To me, gods didn’t exist. They seemed to feel the same way in all actuality. But I saw the point he was making. Gods or not, they were eons older than me, and I had to respect that.
“Look at that.” Craning higher, he pointed behind me. “We’re almost there.”
I followed his gaze.
At this height, I was hesitant to call us close to anything, but I immediately understood Graham’s apathy for these people.