Page 110 of Double Dare

“Craving some?” Zahn laughs.

“Fuck no. I love…salmon, but…” Another gag.

“Just think about how beautiful I am,” Zahn laughs.

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“Hell no.” He grins at me then turns back, looking at Jed and Kade who are just standing there being all awkward. “Your girlfriend thinks I’m beautiful.”

“Don’t take it to heart, Zahn. She also thought we were going dirt biking.” Four shoves him. “Come on. Let’s grab a smoke.” He pulls Zahn from his chair and gives one final warning to my boys. “Calm. Quiet. Supportive.”

They both nod.

As soon as the door closes and I’m left alone with the two of them, I brace for the guilt. On second thought, I might as well just squash it. “I’m fine. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t ever run away from me while I’m talking again. I’m sore, my stomach is upset, and my head isn’t right, but I’m okay. And no, I don’t need anything.” I raise a brow, wondering if I’ve missed any of the answers they were surely going to ask questions to.

“You really think that asshole’s beautiful?” Kade scoffs.

Oh, thank fuck. This I can handle.

“You’re all disgustingly beautiful. Fuck your family gene pool.”

Jed smirks, but stays silent.

Chapter 41

No matter how hard I try, I can’t sleep. This whole thing is our fault. My fault. I reacted without thinking and because of that, Laken suffered for it. Now she’s asleep on the couch and Jed’s by her side, making sure she’s good, while I simmer in guilt and something worse than worry.

It’s not even just the accident and the fall that I’m worried about. Four and Zahn told us what happened when she panicked, thinking someone was attacking her again. That’s what’s rolling around in my head, preventing me from sleeping. Because as much as it sucks, that’s just her reality at times. She has that trauma. It’s going to sneak up on her sometimes, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to protect her from it.

“I’m going for a smoke,” I tell Jed. “You got her?”

He nods. “Always.”

It’s damn near morning and everyone else in the house is asleep, so I throw on a coat, grab Mom’s smokes, and head out front to clear my head. The night is cold but not too windy, so I sink down in a rocking chair and smoke this cigarette that will do nothing for my stress levels.

For the second time since I entered this relationship, I feel like crying. First was the time Laken told me she loves me and now it’s because I can’t bear to see her in pain. I don’t know how to handle this aspect of a relationship because I’ve never had to deal with it before. I’ve never known what it’s like to love someone without being able to protect them from everything. I don’t know how to take her pain away, ease the burden, make her feel better or take care of her now that the crisis is over.

I feel useless.

It broke something inside me to see her in the hospital. The first time I saw her in a hospital bed it was after Fordy attacked her, and during that time, I wasn’t Jed, so she wasn’t mine to protect. Now I know what it must have felt like for him to wear the pain of that situation around, but even thinking that makes me feel like a coward. This is nothing like that time. Laken wasn’t attacked by anyone but our rash decision-making. There’s no enemy who put her in the hospital, so that makes it hard for me to lash out at something.

I tried to lash out at Gar, but seeing the shock on his face and the pure pain for his best friend proved to me it wasn’t him. Didn’t mean we didn’t hit first and ask our questions after.

“Hi, baby,” Mom says, opening and closing the door while shoving her arms into a winter coat. How the hell does she always know when we’re struggling? She’s like a crazy cat lady, but with sons instead.

“What’re you doing up?” I just want to be alone right now.

“Jed called me from the couch,” she admits. “Asked me to check on you.”

“What a dick.” I shake my head.

“He’s worried about you. How are you?”

“I don’t need him to worry about me. I’m fucking fine.” Jesus.

“Are you? ‘Cause you’re being a twat,” she calls me out. “It’s the first time the person you love has been hurt. I know how that feels, Kade.”

“I’m fine.”