Page 111 of Double Dare
“Alright.” She leans back in the chair next to mine, lighting a smoke and acting like none of this is a big deal. As she watches the boats, I scrutinize her. Fuck no. I won’t fall for this act. She thinks she can give me the silent treatment until I get uncomfortable enough to vent. It might work on my brothers, but it won’t work on me.
Two smokes later. “Fuck, I don’t know. I feel like an asshole right now because she’s in there hurting because of me! I got pissed off, left in a rush, punched her best friend, made a mess of everything, and she slipped trying to stop me.”
Mom nods, knowing I’m not done.
I get up to pace the porch. “She’s…fuck, she shouldn’t have to deal with this just because I’m rammy. And now she’s hurt and I don’t even feel worthy of taking care of her because I’m the reason she’s in there. She’s all vulnerable and shit, and I forgot she can even be vulnerable. I can’t…protect her from the trauma of her past, and I can’t protect her from my shitty decisions.” There. “Fucking happy?” I scoff at Mom.
“Welcome to being in love, baby,” Mom says.
“This is what love is? I’ll just sit around and panic for the rest of my life?”
Mom tilts her head at me. “You’re going to let one scary situation ruin all the good times?”
“No, I just…”
“You just what? You just thought it’d be all laughs and good sex? Bad things happen, Kade. All the time. They’re what make the good times so good. Look at how things have worked out for you, honey. You longed and longed for Laken’s love, and now you have it. Look how those hard times turned into your dreams. More than that, though, look at how happy it makes her. I know it hurts to watch her suffer, but you can’t protect her from everything. You just have to trust she’s strong enough to protect herself, too. All you can do sometimes is be there.”
“I am here. I’m trying to be.” I rub my temples.
“Yeah, you are, but you’re also letting guilt win. People slip sometimes, so sitting around feeling responsible for it isn’t helping her.”
I know that. Fuck, I know that. I just wanted a few minutes to hate on myself. “So, what do I do then?”
“You let it sink in, and then you breathe it all out, and start focusing on what is actually going to help her. This is that sickness part of marriage vows, baby.”
I roll my eyes at her. “It hurts me,” I admit. “To see her hurting, and that makes me selfish because now I’m making it all about me. Jed can handle it better than I can.”
“No, he can’t,” Mom scoffs, laughing. “Jed was already out here when you first got home, chain-smoking like an asshole, having the same hissy fit you’re having.”
That asshole never told me, probably to make me feel inferior. Dick. “Well, how do I get past this part?”
Mom leans back. “You sit with your mother in the middle of a winter night, smoking and talking about it, and then you take a deep breath, a shot of whiskey, and go back in there to be with her.”
Where the hell would I be without this woman? “Soon.” I’m not ready for that shot yet; I need a few more minutes of sitting on the front porch. “You’re good with this relationship?” I ask my mom.
“Are you?” she counters.
“Yeah.”
She smiles. “Then I am, too. Takes a lot of trust and communication, so don’t close up on each other, yeah?”
Jed’s a dick, but I love him. Couldn’t imagine this thing without him, and I know we aren’t the best at feeling our feelings, so her advice is good. Needed. It makes me feel better knowing Mom will always be here to get us through the tough times, too.
“Alright, I’m ready for that shot now.”
I get comfortable on the couch with Laken, giving Jed a subtle nod of thanks that neither of us wants to acknowledge.
Tucking my boner into the waistband of my boxers, I climb out of bed and panic when Laken isn’t there. She got uncomfortable on the couch throughout the night, and we helped her into Jed’s bed on her own, giving her some room.
I find her in the living room with Bo and Liam, no sign of Dom. She’s got a coffee and a plate of toast, so she seems set.
“You work today?” Jed asks, coming up behind me.
“Supposed to.” Don’t really want to now, though. I follow him into the kitchen for breakfast. “Do you?”
“I’m going to go for a few hours today and then take tomorrow off. Zahn doesn’t leave for his flight until tonight, so he says he can stay with her all day.”
“Pretty sure she’s sick of us anyway.” I would be if I were her. “Alright, I’ll go in today and maybe take tomorrow off if you guys want me around.”