Page 13 of Surrender

I mean, if she was down with that shit, I wouldn’t say no, but I wouldn’t pressure her either. I did want to spend time with her. I’d even sprung for the luxury suite with two bedrooms, just in case she wanted to sleep alone. The bottom line was, I didn’t want to spend our first night as husband and wife alone. There were so many conversations to have, so much I wanted to know about her.

I finally tuned back into the minister’s speech just as it was time for me to say my vows. I hadn’t written anything down. Instead, I chose to let the words come to me naturally. I wanted to say what was on my heart when I looked at her for the first time. I took a deep breath and reached for Kachelle’s hand.

“As I stand before you on our wedding day, I am filled with a mix of emotions. We may not have had the traditional journey of falling in love, filled with dates and stolen moments. Our path to the altar has been an unconventional one, but as I look into your eyes for the first time, I see a future filled with possibility. I see a partner to share life’s joys and sorrows with. I see a woman I already admire for taking this leap of faith with me.

“I vow to you today that I will be a loyal and loving husband. I will strive each day to earn your love, respect, and trust. I will support you in your dreams and stand by you through any challenges we face. I will work hard to build a marriage based on mutual understanding, compromise, and growth. Though we do not know each other yet, I commit myself fully to learning your heart. I want to discover the little things that make you smile and the dreams that set your soul on fire. I anticipate the love story we will write together, page by page, as we navigate this life hand in hand.

“I promise that no matter what the future holds, I will walk that road alongside you as your devoted husband. From this day forward, your happiness will be my mission, your burdens will be my own to help carry, and your love will be my most cherished gift.

“Here, in front of our friends and family, I take you to be my wife. I may not have chosen you, but I vow to spend the rest of my days falling in love with you and building a partnership built on the foundation of dedication, faithfulness, and joy. Today, Kachelle, I surrender to you. With hope in my heart and commitment in my soul, I marry you and step boldly into the future as your husband.”

Tears streamed down her face as I finished speaking. I pulled the pocket square from my pocket, dabbed her eyes, and kissed her forehead.

“You have a way with words,” she said, sniffling. “I don’t know how I’m gonna top that.”

I chuckled. “It’s no competition, love. Just say what you mean.”

She nodded as I passed her the microphone. Again, she looked back at her family. I could tell that what she was about to say was just as much for their ears as it was for mine.

I don’t think I heard a word the minister said before the Pastor started talking. I was too busy staring in the face of this beautiful man. My mind raced with thoughts of what was going to happen when we left here. What were we going to do when we were alone? Talk? Stare at each other? Did we consummate our marriage? Wait, was I ready for that? I understood that it was our wedding night and sex was expected, but we didn’t know each other.

I didn’t make it a habit of giving my body to just anyone too soon. True, he was about to be my husband and it might seem contradicting because I married a stranger. However, sex… making love… that was a level of intimacy that took a while for me to be comfortable with.

I’d looked up at Jacob as he recited his vows. The words were so touching and beautiful. The look on his face as he spoke was one of sincerity. His hand had gently squeezed and caressed mine. I couldn’t help but smile back at him with tears streaming down my face. When he was finished, he dabbed my eyes so lovingly.

“We would have some beautiful babies,” I’d thought to myself.

Babies. That drew me back to our families. What would they say? What would they think? Mine already felt like I was making a mistake. I would be devastated if they said my children would be a mistake, too.

“You have a way with words,” I said, sniffling. “I don’t know how I’m gonna top that.”

He chuckled. “It’s no competition, love. Just say what you mean.”

I nodded as he passed me the microphone. Again, I looked back at my family. Their faces remained stoic. How could they not be moved by his vows? Even a few members of Jacob’s family shed a few tears. I just wanted them to be happy for me, but I knew it wasn’t the case. I also knew that I wasn’t doing this for them.

This was for me and my happiness. Maybe my ways didn’t align with their expectations, but as long as I ended up happy in the end, it was worth it. I took a deep breath and pulled out the tightly rolled scroll I’d tucked into the middle of my flowers.

“Could you hold this?” I asked, handing the flowers to the woman I assumed to be Jacob’s sister.

She took them and stepped back aside to give us space. Nervously, I unrolled the paper and took a deep breath. Over the years, I’d fantasized about this moment so many times. I knew what I wanted to say, but as I sat at my kitchen table last night, preparing this set of vows, I knew I would have to speak from my heart and my truth. I didn’t know this man, but I was vowing to be his wife.

My words had to be spoken with intention. I closed my eyes for a moment before placing the mic to my lips and reading from the paper.

Dear Future Husband,

I knew it would have to be an extraordinary act that would bring us together. Today, we met for the first time. My nerves are on ten, but that’s to be expected given the circumstances. Though we may not have taken the traditional path to love, I couldn’t wait to meet you, to know you, and to love you. I stand here today, ready to embark on this incredible journey with you by my side.

I vow to be your partner, your best friend, and your unwavering support through all of life’s ups and downs. I promise to cherish and respect you, to listen to you with an open heart, and to always strive to understand and appreciate the unique individual that you are.

I promise to be your safe haven, your shoulder to lean on, and your hand to hold through every challenge and every triumph. I will stand by you, believe in you, and love you unconditionally, even in the moments when loving each other is hard. As we embark on this new chapter, I vow to build a life with you that is filled with laughter, adventure, and endless love. I will work every day to create a home that is warm, welcoming, and a true reflection of the love we will grow to share.

People may think we made a mistake. They may call us foolish and never understand the reasons we had for choosing this path, but that’s okay. Our reasons are our reasons. Our journey is our journey, and I can’t wait to begin this journey today as your wife. Today, I surrender my heart, my love, and the rest of my years to building a life with you.”

I lowered the paper to fine tears swelling in Jacob’s eyes. I reached out and swiped them away. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, smiling softly. I handed the mic back to the minister.

“Those were beautiful declarations,” he said sincerely. “Shall we continue?”

Jacob and I nodded.