Page 31 of Controlled

“She’s far too agitated. In truth, she does better when you don’t come visit as often.”

I knew my eyes had opened wide. A strange, nervous laugh pushed up from my throat. “Fine. I won’t visit her so often.” As it was, I only came once every few days. It was apparent I was the root of my mother’s issues. “Let me know what you find out about the trial.”

“I will.”

With nowhere to turn, no family to back me up, I suddenly felt lonelier than I had in my entire life. I kept my arms folded as I walked down the corridor. I’d never allowed myself to feel like a failure.

Until now.

What could be done to help my mother? While I headed out into the parking lot, I admitted to myself that I wasn’t certain I cared any longer.

Now, didn’t that make me a horrible human being?

CHAPTER 11

Bella

“What do you want most out of life?”

Jonas had asked me that several times. Why I was thinking about his question right now was beyond me. Maybe because I’d been doing nothing but questioning my entire life over the last few weeks. I’d finally gotten the dream job I hoped would catapult me into a fantastic career, but I wasn’t certain I could hold onto it any longer.

It wasn’t simply about my mother and the expenses of her care. It was also because I felt out of place around the younger girls. Maybe I was being silly. After the night’s success, I should be on cloud nine. Even if I continued to question why Gregor had opted to give me the roles in the first place. I hadn’t earned my stripes, which was another reason so many of the other, more tenured dancers hated me.

But the prevailing feeling of being a failure, something my mother had promised I’d be my entire life weighed heavily on my mind today. It was days like today, seeing my mother so vindictive and nasty that I wished I knew who my father was. Maybe I had sisters and brothers somewhere? The warning she’d issued had been unusual, but had she been in another moment of delusion and nothing else?

Maybe my mother had indulged in an affair with a married man, which was the real reason she’d told me nothing about him. If so, how had she managed to keep the affair out of the press? They ate shit like that up. Maybe she’d had an affair with a glorious director, a man so gorgeous she’d been smitten by his beauty alone.

Yeah, right. There I went again making up stories about a father I doubted I wanted to know like I had since I was a child. It had been less traumatic than accepting the fact he’d wanted nothing to do with me or my mother.

The same foreboding washed into me all over again, my stomach tight from nerves and fury that my mother had attacked me. I pressed my hand over my face, wondering if I would look like one of the walking wounded.

I couldn’t get over the feeling I’d been followed as I’d made my way to the ballet company in one subway car, then another. The creepy crawlies were so bad I’d looked over my shoulder several times.

When I got off at the stop closest to the dance studio, I waited as the subway doors closed scanning the area as soon as I had. Passengers came and went, pushing past me brusquely. While I couldn’t see anyone from the crowd of people coming and going, I was positive he was there.

Watching me.

Waiting for me.

Hungering.

Oh, God. I only hoped that what I was experiencing was exhaustion and not giving in to the heartache and delusions like my mother. I started to laugh in an ugly tone as I headed for the stairs. I still had the five-million-dollar check, which made me very nervous. It was Sunday, our off day, especially after the spectacular performance, but I knew Marcia and her crazy work ethics. She would be working, trying to capitalize on the success from the night before.

I kept my head down, moving around the corner to the back of the building, the employee entrance the one used when anyone on the administrative team arrived before or after hours. Meanwhile, the students weren’t supposed to be able to get inside. I stopped just after making it hallway down the side of the building, taking a deep breath and glancing toward the corner.

While I didn’t see anyone watching me, the hairs on the back of my neck were still raised. He was there. I was certain of it. I continued chastising myself as I jogged toward the alley, hating both the stench and the fact the area looked so disheveled. There were dumpsters and crates from shipments of several businesses, and small tables set up for various employees to take a smoke break. The alley was even more terrifying at night, even though it was well lit.

I wasn’t certain why I felt so uncomfortable, allowing my mind to drop into the macabre, but I couldn’t seem to calm my nerves even as I climbed the short set of stairs leading to the back door, thankful to find it open. I’d only been here once before when the building was basically empty. It seemed odd to hear my footsteps on the tile floor instead of the usual music coming from the practice rooms and chatter coming from the dancers.

A slight pinging sound forced me to stop halfway down the hall. It reminded me of all the horror movies I used to like only it was daylight outside, albeit clouds were covering the rather ominous-looking sky. I took a deep breath, shifting my head over my shoulder toward where the noise had come from.

There was nothing there and it was an older building with a vastly aging heating and cooling system. Maybe just pipes expanding. I tugged my purse closer, laughing at myself as if someone was going to pop out from one of the rooms, grabbing my purse knowing what I carried inside. As I headed to her office, I thought about the night all over again, still shivering to my core.

I’d felt like a princess at first, basking in the glory I’d longed to achieve. But with Creed, everything had spiraled out of control. I moved down the second corridor, already noticing her office door was open. But as I got closer, I realized there were voices coming from inside. Loud voices.

I took a few more steps, trying to decipher what I was hearing. Maybe Marcia was on the phone. It was another surreal moment when I realized what it was: Marcia and Gregor were arguing. Again. As the voices grew even louder, I slunk against the wall, trying not to make a single sound.

“No, Gregor. I don’t give a shit who you are. You’re not going to mistreat the dancers any longer. I am going to talk to the owner today. I’ve had enough. What you did last night was… When I’m finished with making a full report, you’ll be lucky to get a goddamn job in Siberia.”