Page 147 of House of Ashes
The horrible sensation of wetness accompanied the next cramping wave, and when it had passed long enough for me to uncurl from the ball I was in, I opened my eyes.
A rusty chuckle escaped me.
You are an absolute fool, I told myself.
I wasn’t godsdamned poisoned. With the return of a healthy weight, the damage caused by starvation on Mistward was healing itself.
My moon cycles had stopped within six months on the Isle. We had quickly run out of food, and as my weight had dropped, so too had the monthly cycles ended.
In time, that had become the least of my concerns; I hadn’t given my cycles so much as a second’s thought since returning to the mainland.
And now I had the absolute pleasure of being leveled by wracking pain every month once more.
“What a complete joy,” I whispered aloud, still silently laughing.
In the Training Grounds, I’d gone to one of the Koressis healers for the moon powder that would make the cycles less painful. It was a slightly embarrassing addendum to need to add to Kirana’s letter, but unless they wanted a useless fetal ball of a Dragonesse every four weeks, I needed to know where to find it in her still-room.
And…well, there was the comfort of knowing that I wasn’t pregnant. The last thing either of us needed right now was an infant dragonblood, born to unmated parents in the midst of a war.
Myst would be thrilled to receive the good news.
I was just preparing myself to try to lift myself off the ground without vomiting when someone knocked on the bathroom door.
“Sera?” It was Rhylan, his voice concerned.
“Get out,” I tried to snap, but pain reduced my shout to a shaky whimper. I growled under my breath when he slammed the door open, taking in me, the sweat glimmering on my face and arms, and the spreading stain on my dress.
He visibly relaxed, a bemused tilt to his mouth. “Gods, I thought I was going to find you dead in here.”
“I am dead. Go away.”
“Come on. Let’s get you in the bath and I’ll bring you something for the pain.” He shut the door behind him, pulled the hot water tap, and shoved my arms out of the way as I tried to fend him off.
“I can get myself in the bath. I’m not an invalid, gods damn it.” If it was my last earthly act, I would claw myself over the side and into the bath by myself.
“Remember that talk we had about being stubborn?” He sounded all too cheerful as his fingers became talons, and he sliced right through the laced ribbons on the back of the dress. “Because you’re not convincing me that you’re not the stubborn one right now.”
“I’ve handled this myself my whole life.” Despite myself, I allowed him to pull the dress over my head.
He wadded it into a ball and threw it in one of the laundry chutes in the wall; I silently apologized to the laundress who would have to deal with the soaked-in stains, now that I understood what they went through.
“And now you have me to help you.” Rhylan gently lifted me and deposited me into the steaming water. “It’s one of the benefits of having a dragon at your beck and call.”
“Is it?” I whispered, but I had no fight left in me. The cramping was still there, a coil of agony in my lower belly, but the heat of the water dissipated some of the immediate distress. “Gods know I don’t do enough for you.”
Rhylan gripped my chin. Forced me to look at him. There was no playfulness in his eyes now, only a searing intensity that struck me like lightning. “You just spent three nights spreading herbal snot all over my shredded body. Don’t ever talk to me about not doing enough. Understand?”
“I also lied to get us out of Kirion faster. And didn’t tell you when I dislocated my shoulder.” If I was going to make a list of my crimes, I wanted to be thorough, so he couldn’t claim I was some saint-like being who should never once undergo a thorough self-examination of my own selfishness. “I broke down because I wanted to go home, and I was a rude, snobbish bitch to you.”
He held my gaze, but the burning coals had given way to a glint of amusement. “You were a bit snobbish at times, yes. I’ll accept that. But for the rest of it…I already told you, Sera, you don’t have to hide any of that from me. If someone had tried to keep me away from Jhazra after four years on that island, I would’ve torn right through them to get home. I’m not going to judge you for feeling the same.”
“Maybe not, but I don’t…sometimes you look at me in a way I don’t deserve.”
His grip on my chin tightened and he gave my head a little shake, forcing me to meet his eyes again. “Or you could let me decide if you deserve it, since I’m the other half of this equation. I’m…the cause of it all. Let me do what small things I can to make it up to you.”
I nodded silently, keeping my hands cupped over my belly. A fresh wave of pain had broken out as he spoke.
“Now tell me that you understand, that you’re not going to speak to me about not doing godsdamned enough, and I’ll go get you a cup of tea and moon powder.”