Page 50 of Ruined Wolf
“How did you know where I was?” I asked, my steps faltering as I edged backwards enough to brush up against the fall of rocks under the chimney.
“Ethan set up a search for you. We’ve talked to contacts on the island and on the mainland. You hadn’t been seen landing anywhere there, and then someone rang in to report a small boat in this area. They were worried someone was going to get into a bad position because of the storm rolling in. I knew immediately it was you.”
He moved closer, and there was something cold in his eyes that made my shivers worse. He’d always told me he was a monster, and I hadn’t believed him, not really. Dark, yes, but monstrous? And yet, a small part of me wondered how far he could be pushed until he snapped, and I pondered if I was going to die here. His eyes were cold and dark, and I realised I didn’t want to die, not like this. Not at his hands.
“It really doesn’t have to be this way, Lucas,” I said. “We could talk—”
“No, Nova, I don’t think we can,” he replied, his smile tightening. “I’m going to take you back to the harbour and hand you over to Ethan, or I might even take you to the mainland myself just to make sure the job gets done.”
“Lucas, please. He’ll kill me,” I begged. I thought I saw something like pity flicker in his eyes, but it was gone just as fast as it was there.
“I don’t care,” he said. “You’re nothing but another of Caleb’s tools, trying to bring us all down. A little whore, just like I thought the first time I found you in my bed.”
I felt like he’d slapped me, and I gasped with the hurt.
He gave me a chilly smile. “Does the truth hurt, Nova?”
I shook my head. “What Ethan said is not true. I never worked for my father, and I had never heard of Jaxon before I ran into him at the bar I worked in. He hit on me, Lucas, not the other way around.”
“It must have been handy when he got sick, knowing you’d be rid of him soon. You must have been grateful when he died. It got you off the hook. How did he die, Nova? Did you just leave him to it? I know it wasn’t an easy death. Did you leave him, or did you sit and file your nails as my brother died?”
I slapped him across the face, anger replacing my guilt. “Fuck you, Lucas, you know nothing except what that snake told you!”
“It’s this snake I’m interested in,” Lucas sneered, narrowing his eyes. “You say I know nothing, then tell me, Nova. How exactly did my brother die?”
“What do you want me to say?” I cried, stepping back. “Do you want me to tell you that he’d been feeling ill for weeks? That we had to wait weeks for test results, and that I cried in his arms when we got the diagnosis? Did it occur to any of you that I lost the man I loved more than anything in this world? Would you even care?”
“You knew him for a few months,” Lucas countered. “He was our brother, and you kept his death a secret from us. Do I care? No, I don’t believe you, and I don’t give a shit.”
“You want to know how he died?” I said, glaring at him. “Fine. It took weeks. I quit my job to look after him. The disease destroyed him from the inside. He couldn’t keep food down, he grew weak, and he lost weight until he barely looked like himself. His skin turned grey, and his eyes sank back in his head. He was cold all the time, and even when I lay next to him to warm him, he couldn’t get warm. He grew confused towards the end, never knew where he was, and would get upset. Sometimes he didn’t recognise me, and he’d lash out. I was covered in bruises, Lucas, from where he grabbed or hit me when he was afraid. And on that last night, he sobbed like a child in my arms because he couldn’t stay with me, and he shook with seizures and screamed with pain as his organs collapsed, and you know what, Lucas? Yes, by that point, I hadn’t eaten in days, hadn’t slept for longer, and I was so tired of seeing the man I loved in pain, that yes, I was fucking grateful when he finally died.”
I screamed the last few words as months of pent-up grief, guilt, and shame spilled out into the darkness of the cave like some kind of confessional box.
I stepped forward and hit him, bringing my fists down on his chest over and over, hammering at him. “Don’t you fucking dare say I didn’t care. I stood by that man and held him through everything when there was no one else there for him, when he was completely alone because he’d rather die alone than put his brothers in danger. I took it all for you. For months, I took it, and every day since, I bore the guilt, shame, and grief of losing him, of knowing I couldn’t do more and that his child will grow up never knowing how amazing his father was.”
“Nova, stop,” Lucas snapped, but I couldn’t. I continued to shout at him.
“You guys can hate me all you want, but I’m done. Ethan kept it from you too. His own nephew. He knew he was lying there dying, and he didn’t tell you. He didn’t even tell you when he died, and he knew, Lucas. He fucking knew. Those emails were real, and I don’t give a shit anymore if you believe me or not. I’ve had enough of your fucking family and their fucked up games. All I want is to be left alone. I want to leave and raise my child away from this fucking nightmare.”
“You betrayed us, Nova,” Lucas retorted, his voice bitter. “We trusted you, opened up to you, and you betrayed us over and over again. How on earth could you think that we could forgive that?”
“You’re so full of shit, Lucas Scott,” I snapped. “You’re so done up in your own little world that you’ve forgotten what the real one is like, and that there are people out there who don’t have a family, who haven’t been given everything they have ever wanted, and who have to work for everything in this world you take for granted.”
“And what exactly do you think I take for granted?” he asked, his eyes burning into mine.
“Oh come on. This whole I’m a monster thing? You push everyone away and use that as an excuse. You lost your dad as a kid, and you’re too fucking terrified to open up and trust anyone in case they leave you too, like your father, like Jaxon. Well, newsflash, Lucas, neither of those were about you. Your father died in an accident trying to save the son he loved, and Jaxon died trying to find out what your dickhead of an uncle is up to, because I think it’s big—big enough that Jaxon was hoping to find millions in treasure to pay him off. So stop whining, stop fucking about, and realise you’ve got people who love you, like your brothers, like—”
I stopped, afraid I’d go too far. Lucas watched me warily, the torch lighting his face, which looked pale against the darkness of the cave. Silence fell inside, and all I could hear was the roar of the wind, and the crashing of the surf against the rocks. The wind whistled through the cave, tossing my hair over my face, and I could hear the torrent of rain up above. For a moment, I was back in the city, holding Jaxon’s body against mine as he finally fell still, and I watched through the window as the rain fell in great grey swoops over the colourless city.
“Like who, Nova?” His voice sounded dry, cracked, like if he spoke too loudly, it might shatter.
I sighed. “Like me, Lucas.”
He shook his head. “No.”
The adrenaline that had filled me moments before as I screamed my heart out at the man who had once been my mate faded away, and I felt my legs tremble underneath me. I lowered myself to the rocky ground before they went altogether. The cold seeped through my wet clothes, and I shivered some more.
Lucas looked down at me. “No,” he stated more firmly this time.